I found that I needed to go to meetings and connect with others in order to maintain my Emotional Sobriety. Sobriety means soundness of mind. This disease is mental, emotional, spiritual and physical and I had to apply the 12 Steps and my program to all areas of my dis-ease.
It took me a long time to allow myself to do tears. My first husband demanded that stop using them, because I used them as a weapon. I had to give myself permission to feel my feelings. I couldn't heal until I did. I had to feel them, recognize them for what they were, and then and only then could I heal. You can't change what you don't know. You can't know what you have never been taught. You can't heal if you stuff everything and it is important not to substitute other substance, it keeps you sick and still in your disease. Substitution doesn't work, it becomes your new drug of choice and will take you back to where you have two or more active addictions. That is what happened to me.
It is very much a day at a time for me. We do recover from that hopeless state of mind and body, but our disease is just waiting for us to give it an opening and it will slip in and our stinking thinking, can take us back to old behaviours, habits, and thoughts.
