My sponsor usually tells me exactly what God needs me to hear.
Somewhere in the advice phase of our conversation regarding such grave conditions, the big book phrase, "as only the dying can be," comes to mind.
There are also unfortunates such as us, that somewhere along the line, are deprived in the early stages of being half way in and half way out, of their honest to goodness desperation that was previously used to motivate them to do something about their alcoholism in the first place.
Eventually, we all seem to make up our bed, and decide whether we really want to quit, or spend the rest of whatever life we have left, rolling the dice on another potential catastrophe. It sounds like you may have reached that crossroads. And if indeed you have, you’re already reaching out for someone to confirm it.
Only you can decide whether you are alcoholic. I would encourage you to go to a A.A. meeting, and make up your own mind.
And know that you will be in our thoughts and prayers.
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