[bluidkiti]

March 7

Step by Step

Today, if I can open myself to the premise that AA is about living sober and not about not getting drunk, I may begin to learn if my emotional and spiritual disease stems from my alcoholism or if alcohol contributed to it. If my life was a Broadway play, it would have three acts: Act 1, Before Alcohol; Act 2, The Drinking Days; and, Act 3, The Morning After. In my case, I used alcohol from literally my first drink as a SOLUTION to certain harsh realities – or my perception of them, at least – and, from my first to my last drunk, drinking was my way to go to oblivion, that dark and seemingly safe place which is beyond the reach of reality, pain, agony and responsibilities. Alcohol for me, was self-medication. That self-awareness, a spiritual awakening in its own sense, indicates my alcoholism was cemented in my reaction and response to the realities of my life even before my first drink. And the value of that knowledge is that my program must be built on living sober, not on fighting a temptation to drink. Today, I may have figured out that my program has to be about learning how to live sober, not on how not to drink. And our common journey continues. Step by step. – Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

RESPONSIBILITY

Faith is our greatest gift; its sharing with others, our greatest responsibility.

~ Anonymous ~

Places and things never wronged us. We justify old actions when we blame other things for what we once did to ourselves. This can cause us to return to old behaviours.

We want to give up all stinking thinking. We cannot safely act the way we think we are expected to, but we can work at being ourselves.

We take risks only if they aim at spiritual progress. We become assertive only in seeking whatever can help us grow. Above all, we must try to stop being a “blame thrower” and start shouldering our responsibilities. If we react with compassion, understanding, and love then we will achieve spiritual progress. If we let ourselves be hurt or angry or full of self-pity, we achieve no growth and accept no responsibility.

It’s not always what happens that is my responsibility; it’s how I react to what happens.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

One has to go beyond the pairs of opposites to find the real source.

~ Joseph Campbell ~

We have the habit of seeing things in absolute terms, as either black or white, all or nothing, good or evil. Perhaps we find comfort in the simplicity of a clear and total answer. But this habit leads us down many mistaken paths. We might think, since I made a mistake I must be a bad person. Or perhaps, after he insulted me, I can never be his friend.

Rarely do we find truth at the extremes. Within our complex human nature we must deal with many different drives and forces. We feel generous and giving, and we feel selfish. We want to be helpful and caring, but sometimes we get so angry we feel like hurting some-one. When we can accept the mixture of drives within ourselves, we can learn to manage them as good and mature men. Sometimes we need to make repairs after we break our own rules. Sometimes we say something that we regret, and we need to stay in the dialogue to reach a new understanding. When we can accept our own complexity, we become much more understanding of the same in others.

Today I will look for the middle ground between extremes.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

There’s a lesson to be learned in every painful experience.

~ Mary Timberlake ~

We can learn from every experience, but we may not perceive the full impact of the lesson until months of other experiences have passed. In the interim, however, our reliance on God to help us through will count as a valuable lesson, one that we may need repeatedly.

It might be helpful to believe that every moment of our lives is giving us “something to grow on.” Many hours in a week go by almost unnoticed; thus it’s difficult to realize that they, too, were contributing something to our divine plan.

Getting comfortable with the knowledge that we’re alive to experience God’s lessons and fulfill our destiny makes the problems we face more acceptable and less painful. God intends us not to suffer pain but to experience the world’s joys. Remembering that will lessen the sting.

I will remember that God is with me throughout today’s experiences.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I can ask for help

One thing I don’t like about recovery from my dual disorder is having to ask for help. (Normally, I wouldn’t borrow a dime from a friend.) When I need help, sometimes I feel ashamed and vulnerable. When I ask for help, sometimes I feel like I’m causing trouble and I’m afraid I’ll be rejected.

As I talked about this issue with my dual recovery group, I was reminded of two things: (a) I’m a person who is worthy of help. (b) I have two biological illnesses that need treatment and follow-up care – just like heart disease or a broken bone. If I can keep these awareness’s in mind, I can learn to deal with the loss of control – and freedom – that come with needing help.

I will write out a card that reads “It’s OK to ask for help. It means I’m taking care of myself.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others.

~ Thomas k Kempis ~

Ours is a program of sharing, but we can’t share what we don’t have. No matter how much we talk about serenity, peace, or love, we can’t share those things if we don’t really have them ourselves. But how do we find them? Humility is a good place to start. Admitting we don’t have all the answers and are still struggling can open the door to being helped by those who are farther along in their recovery programs. When we keep an open mind and are willing to listen and learn from everyone we meet, we soon discover that everyone has something to teach us. Those still trapped by addiction can teach us how to recognize our errors and how to avoid those pitfalls in the future. When we meet people who radiate peace and serenity, we can notice how they live and try to follow their good example.

We have lessons to learn from everyone we meet, if only we pay attention. We can look and learn and become more the person we want to be. Then we can bring peace and joy to others, too.

Today help me recognize my limitations, and help me be humble enough to learn from others.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

Those who have one foot in the canoe and one foot in the boat are going to fall into the river.

~ Tuscarora tribe saying ~

In the past, how many times did you tell yourself, “This drink is going to be my last”? Or perhaps you said that, after one last cigarette, you would stop smoking; after one last hit, you would stop drugging; after one last scratch ticket, you would stop gambling; after one last piece of cake, you would stop overeating.

Engaging in the last of anything does not stop your craving, nor does it steel your will to walk away from it. When you make a promise to yourself, it must be one that is made with your full commitment—otherwise, it cannot be considered as a binding agreement. It is like speaking a truth with your hands hidden behind your back and your fingers crossed.

Renew your commitment—or make a full commitment—to the program. Say, “I will become fully involved” rather than, “I will have one last. The program offers tools, support, and guidance that will help you make promises you are sure to keep.

Today I will be fully engaged in the actions I need to take and the support I will receive from others who understand what I am going through.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

That’s the risk you take if you change: that the people you’ve been involved with won’t like the new you. But other people who do will come along.

~ Lisa Alther ~

When we made the decision to enter the program, it was only a short time before we started making changes. As a .result, many of our friends may have become only passing acquaintances; committed relationships may have changed or ended; family members may have become difficult to deal with or may have abandoned us.

Mostly, we have sensed that we “outgrew” those we knew in the past. And we may have been told, “You’ve changed! I don’t like the new you.” The excitement and hopefulness we gained with our new way of life were not shared by those who were once close to us. We soon felt alone and rejected instead of supported and accepted by the ones we cared about.

Making changes is risky. But as we become more honest with ourselves and with others, we will soon discover that new people will come into our lives and give us the support we need.

I can become willing to let new people into my life.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Accepting God’s love

God’s love is so encompassing and powerful that we cannot understand it. Doubtless, many have turned away from our fellowship because they could not accept such love. Why would anyone want to love me? What’s in it for them?

Maybe these words were once ours, but as we apply our newfound principles we come to understand love, not in our intellect, but in our being. It is through the love and grace of our Higher Power that we have gained so much.

Am I accepting God’s love?

Higher Power, may I come to know the influence of your love, helping me day by day, hour by hour.

Today I will accept God’s love from

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

The difficulty in life is the choice.

~ GEORGE MOORE ~

Newcomer

I’m confused. Should I spend the evening with my old friends? I haven’t told them I’m in this program yet; I’m afraid that they won’t understand. They may tell me that I don’t really have a problem. I don’t want to have to cut off my ties to all my friends just because they’re not in this program.

Sponsor

Decisions, decisions—what freedom! What adventure! When I was active in my addiction, I didn’t have the luxury of making up my mind; my addiction was in charge. Today, how do I reconcile the suggestion to avoid people, places, and things that once led to using with the fact that I have some old friends who genuinely care for me and with whom I want to stay in touch? In trying to make a hard decision, I first ask myself honestly whether my choice will take me closer to my addiction or further from it. If I elect to spend time with non-program people, I feel free to excuse myself to use the phone, to check in with my sponsor or n recovering friend. I make sure that I have my own transportation, and I leave when I’m ready. When you’ve had more experience and are more sure of your recovery, you may decide to share some of your recovery story with old friends—or you may not! The choice is always yours.

Whatever else I do, I stay close to meetings and recovering people. I choose nonaddictive ways to celebrate being alive.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

Do you hold some great resentment against anyone? Can you afford to keep it? Sure, I know he “done you wrong” but why? Was there any justification for it? Could you have been a little bit wrong also? Does everyone share your dislike for him? If they like him and you don’t how do you account for it? Is it possible they know him better than you do?

Catfish, as ugly as they are, make delicious chowder and a skunk has a valuable fur. No person is either entirely ugly or bad. Maybe there is something wrong with your vision or maybe you haven’t gotten close enough to him to really see him.

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~ WALK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG BOOK ~ (Official & Unofficial Sloganeering From the 12 Step Programs) ~

1) Repression without expression, leads to depression.

2) It’s hard work taking everyone else’s inventory. Worst of all, they seldom seem grateful!

3) We’re all here because we want more.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

Release Me

Lord, keep me from the habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.
Release me from wanting to control everyone’s affairs.
Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details—give me wings to get to the point.
I ask for grace enough to listen to the tales of others’ pains. Help me to endure them with patience, but seal my lips on my own aches and pains—they are increasing and my love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by.
Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally it is possible that I may be mistaken.
Keep me reasonably sweet. I do not want to be a saint—some of them are so difficult to live with— but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.
Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so.
Make me thoughtful, but not moody; helpful, but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity to not use it all, but you know, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

HOW TO BE UNHAPPY

Sit down quietly where you are not likely to be disturbed. Relax the body–and begin to think about yourself. Every time your thought wanders to something higher, bring it back gently but relentlessly.

Think about the past. Think over all the opportunities you have missed and the time you have wasted. Especially think of all the occasion upon which you have been badly treated.

Think about your body and wonder if your age or your job or the climate isn’t to tell. See if you cannot discover a pain or an ache somewhere.

Think about finances and if they are going well now, insist that this is probably too good to last.

In any case, think about yourself, that is the main point, and if you will keep this up faithfully for fifteen or twenty minutes, there can be no doubt about the result.

Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? There is more hope of a fool than of him (Proverbs 26:12)

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

God’s Law Above All

I am under no laws but God’s.

~ A Course in Miracles ~

A woman came to our healing group and requested prayer while she awaited the results of a biopsy. That night in a dream, I saw a photographic negative covered by a large book. When I meditated on the meaning of the dream, I recognized that the negative was a medical x-ray, symbolizing the laws if medicine. The book was A Course in Miracles, symbolizing the power of Spirit to heal anything. The message was clear: The laws of God supersede the “laws” of this world. The next day I received a phone call from the woman, telling me that her test results showed that she was healthy.

All of the “laws” to which the world subscribes have no power in the face of divine grace and true love. The “laws” of medicine, economics, government, and social expectations are limited belief systems and cannot provide us with the security that universal principles offer us. To truly be healed, we must go beyond what the world tells us and take refuge in the reality of Spirit.

Let me know without a doubt that only Your law of peace is constant.

I surrender all beliefs in limited laws. My power is absolute universal love.