[MajestyJo]

Before tackling the inventory problem in detail, let's have a closer look at what the basic problem is. Simple examples like the following take on a world of meaning when we think about them. Suppose a person places sex desire ahead of everything else. In such a case, this imperious urge can destroy his chances for material and emotional security as well as his standing in the community.


This was not hard to understand. I had been looking for love in all the wrong places for years. The worst offense was that I was looking outside of myself because I couldn't find it within. I tought I was in love with my husband. In hind sight, I am not too sure that I didn't marry him because my best friend got married, she was no longer in my life and I needed to fill the void. It seemed the thing to do. Everyone else was doing it. I was given many signs that the marriage should not happen. One being him coming to me the week before the wedding to say he wasn't sure he was ready to settle down. I said, "Well best you make up your mind now instead of later." He came back to say he loved me and wanted to marry me. Meanwhile, my mind is thinking of all the invitations sent out, all the things to be undone, the money spent, etc. The night before the wedding, the doctor had to be called. I was vomitting, sitting on the throne, and had a temperature of 104 deg. F. He gave me a shot in the posterior, too bad it wasn't a kick! He told me, "Lady if you walk down the aisle tomorrow it will be a miracle." I said, "I'm walking down the hall supposing I have to crawl!" I woke up the next morning with a temperature of 101 deg. and at the reception I hit a wall. I couldn't eat and had trouble just sitting there. We went on a honeymoon drive up the St. Lawrence. I would have to stop and ask him to stop by the side of the road so I could be sick. Really romantic! I would be hungry, starved and would inhale the food and then lose it. Not the kind of action you want on your honeymoon.

When I found out he was running around with another woman seven months after we were married I was devistated. The fact that he had the nerve to introduce me to her, hurt more. If I wasn't so ugly, it wouldn't happen. When he hit me for calling him as silly ass, I left and went to my aunt's. I thought he was going to kill me. I didn't find out later about the five scratch marks down his back which I left in a complete blackout of anger until long after the marriage ended. My father-in-law saw fit to tell me when he said that I never treated my husband with respect and made him feel like a man. I called him a silly ass because he had used a small silver tube with a prescription label on it for toothpaste. When he was watching TV I had told him that I had cut open the tube and he would have to scrape it out with his toothbrush. After he hit me I said, "Well anyone who would mistake that for toothpaste is a silly ass and he hit me again. I remember grabbing a broom and holding it in front of me to ward him off because if looks would kill, I would have been dead. I phoned my aunt to ask her to pick me up because I didn't want to be in the aprtment when he returned.

We seperated for a few weeks. His cousin came from Trinidad. He invited me to Carabana on Toronto Island. The very first one and we would be a part of history in the making. That sojourn ended up with us making out in my mother-in-law's bed. Hitting back. If you don't love me, I will find someone who will. We ended up driving to the drive-in-church service held by my aunt's church. My husband drove up beside us and got into the passenger side of the car. He apologized and asked me to go back with him. Out of guilt I am sure, I said I would. To me, with my background, I was a big SIN! God was going to strike me down. I was a bad person. I was a Soul In Need, looking to be loved because she couldn't love herself.

To be continued...