July 30

Quote of the Week

"Learning to live life one day at a time..."

My girlfriend went into her office a couple hours late today because of an early doctor's appointment and found that 14 people in her department had been laid off that morning. I'm home recovering from a gallbladder operation and may need an additional three surgeries - painful ones at that - for other things. It's easy to get overwhelmed with what's going on in the world and in our lives, and that's when I remember that I can get through anything as long as I take it one day at a time.

It didn't always used to be like this. Before I had the tools of the program, even the smallest things would overwhelm me. I constantly lived in a state of anxiety and when something did happen, panic wasn't far behind. I have a mind that is good at painting dark scenarios, and I have lived each imagined one to its bitter end. My life used to be pretty unmanageable.

One of the gifts of recovery has been learning to live in the present. When I can keep my mind in the same place as my feet, then I always find I'm alright. I'm taken care of; I have everything I need; I'm safe, and I can even find things to be grateful for. Once I focus my attention on what is happening now, I can even experience the peace and joy in my life that is always present when I acknowledge them.

And it all comes from learning to live one day at a time.

Big time amen.

August 6

Quote of the Week

"If you stay on the train long enough, the scenery will change."

Whenever I talk to a newcomer, I remember the insanity of early recovery. I used to talk in endless circles about my problems and about the people, places and things responsible for them. I went on and on about how I could never stop drinking, and I was convinced the program wouldn't work for me. I didn't believe it when people told me, "This too shall pass," but I was out of options so I kept showing up hoping they were right...

It took many months of staying sober and working the program, but things did begin to change. I began feeling better physically, my head cleared, and I became open to a new way of living. As I took different actions, I got different results and after a while my life improved. More importantly, I developed the perspective of recovery, and I learned, first hand, that things do change as long as I'm willing to change first.

Today I know that I can only keep changing and keep growing if I stay on the train of recovery. No matter what the scenery looks like today - and sometimes it's not so pretty! - as long as I continue to grow along spiritual lines, I know that it will change and things will get better. This has been my consistent and enduring experience, and I now live by and trust in the knowledge that:

If you stay on the train long enough, the scenery will definitely change.

August 13

Quote of the Week

“Take my advice, I’m not using it.”

Before I entered recovery, I thought I knew everything. I knew the right way you should be living your life, the right diet to eat, the right way to vote, etc. And because I knew everything, I was quick to tell you about it. Problem was, I never practiced what I preached because I thought I had a better way, an easier, softer way of getting what I wanted. Turns out I was wrong.

When I started working the Twelve Steps, the biggest obstacle I faced was letting go of my old “good” ideas. My sponsor always used to ask me what my ‘back pocket’ plans were, and I’d tell him my best advice for living. “And how’s that working for you?” he’d ask me. Not too well, was my inevitable reply. It took many more bottoms for me to finally release my know-it-all attitude and listen to others solutions for living.
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Today I keep my advice to myself and let my life and my actions speak for themselves. If I have a good idea today, I discuss it with others before I try it out. If it works for me, I let it be another living example of what works for me. Today, when asked for my advice, I instead offer my experience, strength and hope. If it helps you, great; if not, that’s fine too. Today I’m quicker to take advice than to hand it out, and I’ve found it works out a lot better this way.

August 20

Quote of the Week

"Act as though until it becomes so."

What a wonderful lesson this was for me to learn early on in recovery. At first I didn't think I could make it through the day or week sober and my sponsor would tell me to "act as if" I were going to make it. He told me to go to meetings, take commitments and to share honestly about what was going on. He also told me not to drink between meetings, and to suit up and show up.

And I did. And soon my actions became reality and I got 60 days, 90 days, then 6 months and a year. It had become so. As my life got better, I began to want other things and other areas of my life to change as well. "Act as if," my sponsor told me again. If I wanted a job in an office, he instructed me to wake up and put on a suit as I looked for work. Soon, I was wearing that suit in the new office I worked in.

As I continue to grow in awareness in recovery, I realize that "acting as though until it becomes so" is one of the great universal spiritual truths of humanity. Books like "The Secret" and others on positive attraction explain why this is, and I know through experience that it is true. Today if I want my reality to change, I simply begin acting as if. It always works.

August 27

Quote of the Week

"The bottom started falling out faster than I could lower my standards."

The last few years of my drinking and using sure were ugly. It had stopped working long before I got sober, but I had failed to realize it. Instead, I obsessively pursued oblivion, and all those things I said I would never do passed by as quickly as do the stories of a building to a man who has just jumped off. Hurtling toward real oblivion, I had lost all self respect, self control, and was about to lose my life.

As I sat in meetings during early recovery, I used to hear people talk about hanging out with their "lower companions." This brought to mind all the 'nowhere' people I had taken to hanging around with, too, and I was disgusted that I had stooped so low. I'll never forget the shock I felt when my sponsor pointed out that I had been their lower companion as well. Boy did that put me in my place.

When I look back on my past, a wave of deep gratitude washes over me. I don't know why I get to be one of the lucky ones, but I do. As I look at my life today, I smile because most people think I'm a pretty OK kind of a guy. And today, not only do I have standards again, but they keep getting higher.

How's that for a true gift of recovery?

September 3

Quote of the Week

"God bless you - God change me."

I was at a speaker meeting one night where the speaker began his sharing in this way: “If I say something tonight that you don’t agree with or that angers you, then say a prayer for me. God knows I could use the prayers, and you could probably use the practice.” Well, that got everyone’s attention! I fumed in my seat for a while and could barely hear what he was sharing. After the meeting, I grabbed a bite to eat with my sponsor and we talked about it.

As I dumped my anger and indignation onto my sponsor while dipping my French fries into ranch dressing, he listened quietly and nodded his head. When I started repeating myself for the third time, he held up his hand to stop me. “I see what he said in a very different way,” he began. “While it may have sounded disrespectful, what he was saying is the fundamental truth. Everyone has a different opinion, and if you don’t agree with it, that’s your problem, and not theirs. In other words, it’s up to you to change or accept.”

I’ve often thought of that night, and that share, and it has taken me years to appreciate the deep wisdom in it. What I’ve found is that people are indeed very different; all our perspectives are uniquely ours, forged by heritages, families, and environments we can barely fathom. If I want to get along with people, then it is up to me to accept them for their differences. If I have a problem with that, then it’s probably best for me to say a prayer. It’s up to me at that point to ask God to change me so that I can be okay with who they are—and who I am as well.

September 10

Quote of the Week

"It’s not going to get easier, but it’s going to get better."

When I got sober, I thought my life would get easier. I mean, I wasn’t drinking to blackout any longer, and now that I was sober, everyone should be happy for me. I even thought I deserved some kind of an award. I was sure my money troubles would disappear, my health would get better, and all the people I hurt would forgive me and life would get back to normal. None of that happened right away.

In early sobriety, the only thing that changed was that I wasn’t getting loaded any longer. I still had all the same problems as before, and in addition, I was now also racked with feelings: feelings of remorse, resentment, fear, anger, and more. And as I struggled to work the Steps, things actually got worse as I lost job after job, found I was unfit for most relationships, and was in constant fear. I didn’t think recovery was for me.

I told my sponsor that if this was what sobriety was like, I’d rather start drinking again. He told me this was what getting sober was like, but it wasn’t what being sober was like. He said if this was how we were going to feel all the time, then none of us would have remained in recovery. Each year, my life did get better and better. Even though it wasn’t easy in the beginning, I found that overall, I had discovered the easier, softer way. Today, I can’t imagine not being sober and living in recovery.

September 17

Quote of the Week

"Act as though, until it becomes so."

One of the dangers of being alone for me is that I start thinking. Now for a normal person that may be OK, but for an alcoholic like me that almost always means trouble. Colored by the disease of alcoholism, my mind seeks problems and reasons why nothing will work out. Even my so-called "good ideas" soon get me into trouble.

If I dwell in the bad neighborhood of my mind I can also get pretty depressed. I once heard that alcoholism wants me dead but will settle for drunk. If I get lost down its streets, soon I'm cut off from you and the light of my Higher Power and I start believing its dark thoughts. Depressed and alone, my disease has seemingly won - until I reach out.​​​​

Today I've learned to share my thoughts with others and to let them into my thought process. I'm no longer comfortable going into the neighborhood of my mind alone and find over and over that things always work out best when I take company. Today when I'm feeling anxious or depressed, I ask myself if I'm in the dark neighborhood of my mind alone. And if so, I call you.

September 24

Quote of the Week

"The degree of my anxiety is a measure of my distance from God."

Anxiety used to be the master of my life. Without a relationship with God, I faced life alone and was in constant fear of not getting my needs met or of losing something I had so desperately fought to get. The past was a constant source of regret and shame, and the future was filled with countless unknown dangers that would surely overwhelm me. All of this made the present intolerable.

When I entered recovery, I brought my constant obsession with the past and future into the rooms with me. Thankfully, my sponsor taught me about living one day at a time, and he showed me that this was where I would find God—today, right here, right now. He told me that if I could get present, and thus be in the presence of God, my anxiety would go away.​​​​​

This was simple advice, but not so easy to follow. The more I worked at practicing it, though, the more I found it to be true. Over the years, I’ve discovered that the more I use the tools of the program—prayer and meditation, pausing and asking for God’s guidance, and acknowledging in the moment that God is here—the more I find myself in the peace and serenity of God’s presence. Today, I use the degree of my anxiety to measure my distance from God.

October 1

Quote of the Week

"Surrender is not a onetime thing."

After a weekend of hard drinking, I would commit to sobriety on Monday. By Tuesday, I began to feel better, and by Thursday night I’d allow myself a couple of beers. By the weekend, I’d be hard at it again, and Monday morning I’d swear off drinking all over. This pattern continued until the Thursdays became Tuesdays, and after a while I just gave up and gave in to my disease. Somehow I survived the abuse, and when I committed again it was to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

During my First Step, I surrendered when I admitted to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic and that my life had become unmanageable. After a few weeks, though, when I started feeling better, I began second-guessing whether it had been that bad. Same thing happened with Steps Two and Three. I’d surrender my will and my life, but midway through the day, I’d take it all back. In discussing this with my sponsor, I learned that surrender is not an event, but rather a process.​​​​​

There have been many surrenders in my recovery. Each day, I surrender my disease to my Higher Power, and I turn my will and my life over to His care. Sometimes this lasts ten minutes, sometimes several hours. But whenever I find myself uncomfortable or at odds with people, places, or things, I know it’s time for another surrender. Thankfully, I have the tools and the willingness to do this. Surrender is indeed a process, not a onetime thing. And the better I get at it, the better my life becomes.

October 8

Quote of the Week

"Be all right with being all right."

I was generally irritable, restless, and discontent before recovery. As a kid I was anxious and afraid of things. When I found alcohol, I finally found a way to be comfortable—hopeful even. Drinking gave me that sense of ease and confidence I saw in other people. Suddenly, I could dance better, talk to girls, and be one of the guys. Unfortunately, the solution soon became the problem, and I had to quit drinking.

In recovery, I felt very vulnerable without my solution. Soon all the feelings I used to drown out with alcohol were front and center. At times I thought I would be overwhelmed by them, so I did what was suggested: I took them to meetings, I shared them in fellowship, I inventoried them, and I worked the Steps on them. Sometimes it worked, but for when it didn’t, my sponsor would always bring me back to the present. He’d ask, “Are you all right, right now?” “Do you have enough food, gas, money, right now?”​​​​​​​

It took a lot to corral my galloping mind and rope it back into the now. But each time I’d have to admit that, yes, right now I’m all right. Right now, everything is taken care of. After years of going through this exercise, I have the perspective to know that I really am all right. Problems come and go, but I’ve always survived them and have usually done just fine. What I’ve learned is that the key to my serenity is truly being all right with being all right. And when I can remember that, my serenity returns, and I can actually live happy, joyous, and free.

I really needed that read today. Thanks.

October 15

Quote of the Week

"Take the mess to your sponsor, take the message to the meeting."

A friend in recovery shared something once that I’ve never forgotten. He was newly married and struggling with the transition from living alone for many years as a bachelor. His therapist suggested that rather than trying to process his uncomfortable emotions with his new bride, he should, instead, bring his problems into therapy, and then bring the solutions back to the relationship. I thought that was just brilliant advice.

And it was definitely not how I was used to living my life. Before recovery, if I had a problem (and I had many), everyone heard about them. I would bemoan the state of my life to anyone within earshot, and if you were the cause of my stress, I talked endlessly behind your back. My ultimate solution was to get drunk, but when I came to, none of these problems had gone away. Instead, I often had just made them worse. I needed a better solution.​​​​​​​

When I entered the rooms, I thought I had found one. In each meeting I went to, I began sharing how bad my life was, how it was everyone else’s fault, and how the Twelve Steps probably wouldn’t help me. My new sponsor pulled me aside early on and suggested I share this mess with him, one on one, and then bring any solutions I found back to the meetings. That worked much better. Today, I go to meetings and listen to other people’s solutions to the problems I may be struggling with. I always hear them if I’m willing to listen.

October 22

Quote of the Week

"You’re only as sick as your secrets."

When I first entered the program, I was filled with guilt and shame over some of the things I had done. When I sat in meetings and heard others share openly about some of their past behaviors, I was shocked by how honest they were. Even more baffling was how they and everyone else could actually laugh at their dark secrets. I didn’t know it then, but this was the beginning of hope and recovery for me.

“You’re only as sick as your secrets” was a saying I heard early on in the program. At first there were things I swore I would and could never reveal. After hundreds of meetings, though, the openness, forgiveness, and recovery of others created the safe place I needed to come clean. As I began to uncover, discover, and discard those parts of myself I was ashamed of, I experienced the freedom and forgiveness I needed to fully recover.

​​​​​​​As I completed my Fourth and Ninth Steps and cleared away the wreckage of my past, I was reborn into a new man who is sober and recovered. Now I can laugh at myself, along with others, over some of the things I used to do. Moreover, I realize how the shame I felt about my dark past is the very key I need to help connect with and help heal others. Today, I use the Tenth Step to guard against keeping secrets, and to stay free of shame, so that I can be available to work with others.