April 16

Quote of the Week

"The problem with isolating is that you get such bad advice."

By the end of my drinking and using, I was all alone. Unlike some of the stories I hear about people drinking in bars, I preferred to drink alone in my home, and after months of listening to my own best thinking I had run out of options and was at the end of my rope. By some miracle, I was able to reach out, and my journey in recovery began.

While I have worked the steps several times over the years, and worked hard to turn my character defects over to God, I still find that my default mode is to isolate. And when I do, I am cut off from others and from my Higher Power and that's when my best thinking starts again. I've learned that it never has anything good to say.

Today I do the things I learned to do early in sobriety to keep from isolating: I have a sponsor; I get commitments at meetings, and I say yes when asked to participate. In other words, I continue to take contrary action because, as they say, "An alcoholic's best thinking treats loneliness with isolating."

And when I'm isolating, the advice I get is all bad.

April 23

Quote of the Week

"Anything an alcoholic lets go of has claw marks all over it."

Before recovery, I tried to control everything. I would lie in bed at night planning my days and weeks, and I would make endless lists of activities I could follow that would lead to specific results. I played and replayed conversations that were sure to take place to make sure they came out the way I wanted them to. When the last thing I tried to control - my alcohol use - spun out of control, I finally surrendered.

When I got sober, I had to let go of all my plans and schemes for controlling my drinking and drug use. Because I was at bottom, it was easy for me to abandon my old ideas and to ask God to restore me to sanity. Just because this worked for my alcoholism, though, didn't mean I was willing to turn the rest of my life over. "God, you can have my drinking, but I'll handle the rest" was my attitude. You can imagine how that went for me.

What I've learned over the years is that my life gets better in direct proportion to my willingness to trust God with the other areas of it. It continues to be hard to let go and act with faith - especially when I'm in fear - but each time I do I'm rewarded with a freedom and a joy that could never have come so long as I continued to try to control things. Today if I'm not willing to let go, then I pray for the willingness to be willing.

And once I withdraw my claws, God takes over and the healing begins.

April 30

Quote of the Week

“The way to make a mountain out of a mole hill is to add dirt.”

Before recovery, anything that went wrong – or didn’t go my way – easily became an impending disaster. Toothache? Must be a root canal. Boss not smiling? Probably going to get fired. Left to myself, my incessant negative thinking was quick to add dirt to any mole hill until the mountain of imaginary evidence overwhelmed me.

When I entered recovery, my sponsor was quick to point out a few tools I might find useful for my distorted thinking. The first was, “One day at a time.” “You’re not having a root canal, nor are you being fired today, are you?” he asked. “No,” I grudgingly replied. “Then take it easy,” he suggested. Next, he taught me to “Take the next indicated action.” Calling my dentist was a manageable action, whereas worrying endless about an imagined root canal wasn’t. Using these and other tools of recovery helped restore me to sanity.
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Today I’m quick to recognize a mole hill when one comes up, and I have the tools to keep it from becoming a mountain. My three favorites are to remember #1: There is a solution. #2: Whatever is happening it is temporary. #3: God is in charge. By focusing on God – and not the problem – I get to experience serenity while the situation sorts itself out – as it always does. And by not adding dirt to the mole hill, I avoid the imaginary mountain that used to make my life unmanageable.

May 7

Quote of the Week

"The most spiritual thing you can do is to help someone."

One of the most important things I've learned in the program is that whenever two alcoholics get together, God is present. I feel the energy of God flow through me as I talk with, listen to and help another person. It often takes contrary action for me to reach out, but I am always rewarded with a sense of peace and serenity as I connect with and help another.

It wasn't always like this. Selfish and self-centered in the extreme, I crawled into the rooms emotionally bankrupt and in a state of perdition. I dammed God's energy up inside me, and it almost destroyed me. Even today I have to guard against my tendency to isolate and self obsess.

Indeed, one of the greatest lessons I've learned (and seemingly have to re-learn!) is that God's purpose, and so my purpose, is to be of service. It is the way out of the prison of self, and it always sets both our spirits free.

May 14

Quote of the Week

"Things aren't necessarily going wrong just because they're not going my way."

This is still hard for me to accept. My ego tells me that my plans and ideas about how things should go, and how you should act, are 99% right, and that if everybody would just fall in line, then everything would be great and I'd be happy. But how many times has my self will twisted or bullied things into place and got me what I thought I wanted, when I'd eventually realize it wasn't what I wanted? Most of the time is the short answer.

There's an old gypsy curse that goes, "May you get everything you want." Once again, my ego hears that and says, "That doesn't sound like a curse!" but my experience understands the wisdom in it. And one of the gifts I've received in recovery is the willingness to pray for the knowledge of God's will (not mine) and the power to carry that out.

And that's when the miracle truly happens for me and countless others. You see, the wants and needs of my ego are limited and short sighted. But God's will is vast and includes infinite possibilities for happiness and fulfillment. By developing the faith to truly seek God's will, I've been able to let go of controlling others, to show up and look for ways to be of service, and to let go of expectations.

And doing this has enabled me to see that, "Things aren't necessarily going wrong just because they're not going my way."

May 21

Quote of the Week

"Worry is a terrible waste of the imagination."

Before recovery, I was addicted to so many things - alcohol, drugs, food, sex - anything that I could use to escape I abused as I sought a way out of the impending doom I always felt. When I entered the program and began putting these vices and distractions down, I found I had been addicted to something else as well - worry.

It took a long time for my emotions to become stable and for my thoughts to become clear, but once they did, I was amazed by how much time and energy I spent worrying. I worried about my health, my job, my relationships, my future and even my past. When I shared this with my sponsor, he explained that worry was caused by excessive self-will and that I hadn't fully surrendered to my Higher Power.

After years of working the steps, turning my will and life over to God, and spending more and more time looking for and trying to follow His will, I find that I worry less and less. Today my mind is focused on what God would have me do and be, and from that place I've learned to take the next indicated action and to turn the results over to Him.

Today I use my imagination to envision my life and world as God would have it be, rather than worry that it might not turn out the way I would have it.

May 28

Quote of the Week

"It's a simple program for complicated people."

They say that this is a simple program but that it's very hard to follow. I heard this in the beginning of my recovery, but when I read the steps I didn't see why. In fact, the program seemed simple, and I confidently told my sponsor that I could get through the steps in a couple of months. I can still see his smile as he told me, "Let's take it one day at a time." When I finally started, I saw what he meant.

"How can such a simple program be so hard to work?" I quickly began asking myself. What I found was that each step asked me to do something I had never done before - and that was uncover my beliefs, discover how I had twisted them to serve my own selfish ends, and then discard them for God's will rather than my own. Simple, yes, but not easy to do!

Over the years I've found that this program is much easier to work if/when I quit making it so complicated. And the way I do that is by still trying to force my will on things. I now know it's much simpler when I evaluate my motives, seek truly to be of service, and ask for God's will, not mine to be done. This truly is the easier, softer way.

Today I understand when they say that this is a simple program for complicated people!

June 4

Quote of the Week

“Keep doing the things that got it good, not the things that got good.”

I was in a meeting the other day when a guy took a newcomer chip for seven days sober. Before he sat down, he shared that he had twelve years but had gone out. He said it took almost five years to get seven days again, and that during those five years he went through hell. He lost his house again, his family and his career, and he almost lost his life. He said he knew about meetings, about the program, about the disease, but he just couldn’t muster the willingness to get sober again.

After the meeting, I asked him what happened and he related a familiar story. At twelve years sober, life was great. He owned a big house and had all the toys. He was near the top of his career and slowly the trappings of success became more important. Suddenly, golfing with his buddies took the place of his Sunday meeting, and after a while he stopped calling his sponsor and reduced his meetings to once or twice a month – then he stopped going all together. At a barbeque someone handed him a cold beer and he was off.

As I left the meeting, I was chilled with fear. My life was going pretty good, too, and there were times when I stayed home to watch football on my massive LCD TV instead of going to my Sunday meeting. I didn’t remember the last time I had spoken to my sponsor or if I even had one anymore. And that’s when I heard today’s quote: “Keep doing the things that got it good, not the things that got good.” I vowed right then to reconnect and recommit to my recovery. After all, I remembered, you don’t have to go out to start over…

June 11

Quote of the Week

"Put the magnifying glass down and pick up the mirror"

Oh how I love focusing on you. If you would only stop doing this or that, or if you'd start doing this or that, then finally, maybe I'd be happy. Relieved of the responsibility of self, it was so easy to be critical, resentful and dependent on you. If you only knew what you were doing to me. If you loved me you wouldn't act this way. Don't you care about me? These were my constant thoughts.

When I first entered Al Anon, my sponsor told me something shocking - he told me that my happiness and well being were MY responsibility. He told me it was and always will be up to me to make my life enjoyable and safe. "But what happens when she does this?" I protested. "Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror," he told me. What was I doing to cause, contribute or in reaction to it was my only concern.

It took me a while to see the profound wisdom of this new way of thinking. Once I put the focus on me, I regained the power to influence and direct my life and happiness. If it's all about you, and I have absolutely no control over you, then I will forever be a victim. But when I place the power and responsibility where I do have some control - over my own life - that's when I begin to recover and regain hope. It's about the mirror, not the magnifying glass today.

June 18

Quote of the Week

"Give all your problems to God - He'll be up all night anyway!"

When I first heard this saying I instantly thought of all the nights I used to lay in bed worrying, rehashing, or trying to solve all my problems. In fact, before early recovery it was actually easier to sleep because I would use drugs or alcohol or even enmeshment with other people to help distract me. But when I entered the program, it seemed like it was just me and my problems - I didn't get a lot of sleep!

It took a long time for me to develop enough faith to turn my will and my life (and problems) over to my Higher Power. The idea of it sounded good, but it proved very difficult to do in practice. Oh I could turn it over in my morning meditation, but by noon I had usually taken it all back. And by night? Whew! It was just me and my problems again!

As I progressed in my recovery, I learned that the definition of faith is believing what you cannot see, and the reward of faith is seeing what you believe. Through faith and a developing practice of turning situations, people and problems over to God, I've been rewarded with a life that is, for the most part, happy joyous and free.

And now when I go to sleep, I give all my problems to God because my faith tells me he'll be up all night anyway!

June 25

Quote of the Week

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

Before recovery, I had a lot of plans. I was going to do this and accomplish that, and when things didn't work out I'd use alcohol to fuel my self-will and strengthen my determination. It was during these drinking sessions that I made lists of things I was going to accomplish - tomorrow. In the end, when I got sober, I had a lot of lists but I hadn't accomplished much.

When I entered the program, I told my sponsor all the things I was going to accomplish now that I was sober. I pulled out my lists and proudly told him that finally I was going to get this and achieve that. He asked me if that was all I wanted, and, after I said yes, he told me to write it all down and give it to him. After I did, he said that we would review it all after I got more time...

Years later, my sponsor pulled out that list and we went over it. All the things I was sure I needed to be happy - the Malibu home on the beach, the academy award winning screen play, etc. - had not materialized, but as we sat and talked, I realized I had received a lot more. I was comfortable in my own skin, and I knew peace and even serenity at times. I realized that I was finally happy and that my life had meaning.

And that's when I finally understood the saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

July 2

Quote of the Week

"When you get to your wit's end, you'll find that God lives there."

Before recovery, when I got to the bottom I just moved over and started digging another hole. I would leave jobs, relationships, and even states looking for a different solution. I didn't have a God in my life, so there was no turning it over. It wasn't until I had broken my shovel and hit my final bottom that I was ready to admit complete defeat.

When I came into the rooms, I heard a lot about God. I didn't like it. I had given up on Him a long time ago, and I was sure He had deserted me. What I came to find out was that God was always there to help me when I hit bottom. What I also learned, years later, was that He was there for me all along - I just had to ask for help sooner.

What I now know is that I don't have to wait until I'm at my wit's end to reach out and get help from God. He lives in me and is with me every step of the way. The key that opens the lock is and always has been willingness. And today, I'm much more willing to be willing.

Today, I know I don't have to reach my wit's end to find out where God lives.

July 9

Quote of the Week

“If you are bored in the program, then you’re boring.”

I remember when I entered recovery, I thought my life was over. No more parties, nightclubs, wild, fun times. And worse, I felt sentenced to meetings, where there were clicks of people who knew each other – I felt like I was back in high school. Sure, some people reached out to me, but I mostly wanted to isolate and keep to my secrets. And that’s when I told my sponsor how boring the program was.

I’ll never forget how patiently he listed to me. Once I was done – or had started repeating myself for the third time – he asked me some questions. “Are you asking to join people after the meetings for coffee or a meal?” No. “Are you offering to help set up or clean up after?” No. “Are you going to any of the picnics, roundups, dances and parties that are offered?” No. “Then no wonder you’re bored. You’re boring!”

My sponsor explained that alcoholism is a disease that wants to keep us isolated so it can kill us. He told me that people in the program insist on having fun and as a group they’re not a glum lot. Just look at the laughter and friendships you see. But, you have to take contrary action and join in if you want to be a part of. And deep down, I did. So I did get active. And what I found to be true in the program is also true in life: You get what you put in.

Today, I’m too active to be bored, and because of that, I get to live a life that is happy, joyous and free.

July 16

Quote of the Week

"H.A.L.T. - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired"

One of the things we get in recovery is a "spiritual toolkit" that contains new ways of thinking about and dealing with life. Before recovery so many situations and people used to baffle me, and I was ill prepared to deal with them and the emotions they brought up in me. My lack of coping skills was fully revealed once I put down my old solutions of a drink or a drug.

The good news is that the 12 steps provide me with all the tools I need to deal with life on life's terms. One of my favorites is "HALT." I was taught early on that if I was feeling anxious, worried, angry or out of sorts in anyway then there was a good chance I hadn't taken care of myself. I was to "HALT" and ask myself: "Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired?" If so, then it was my job to stop and attend to these first.

What a wonderful tool this has been for me. I have learned that it is my job (and within my power) to take care of myself, and I have learned how to self soothe. And once I am feeling centered, then the outside stuff is much easier to sort through and deal with. It's amazing how often I rely on my spiritual toolkit today, and how it's become second nature to HALT when something is bothering me. Today my solutions start on the inside and work their way out.

July 23

Quote of the Week

"Trying to understand God just makes His job harder."

I can't tell you how much time I've spent trying to figure out who or what God is. I've spent years trying to understand the Catholic God I was raised with, and more years trying to define God from a philosophical perspective, then years denying the whole idea of God by becoming an agnostic and even a part time atheist. It seemed the more I tried to understand God, the further away from Him I got.

Even in early recovery I tried to figure God out - this time through the 'open assignment' of defining a God of my own understanding. You can imagine how that went. I thought about, analyzed and tried once again to understand who or what God was. After a while I grew just as despondent and felt just as far away as before. And that's when I finally surrendered.

Once I gave up trying to understand God and instead looked at the evidence of God's presence in my life, I began to develop a knowing that went beyond understanding. Suddenly I just knew that a force was working miracles in my life, that it was always available to me, and that it would never let me down.

This knowing is what I now call faith, and now I understand why trying to figure God out just makes His job harder...