Our Pain
 

What's causing all of us all the pain that we're all in when we all first get to recovery is something that none of us know anything about. Why else would we all be here, if we did know we would surely do something about it, but we don't know. And because we don't know what's causing our pain none of us know what we can do about it. This is true for all of us; we just don't know what we can do. Here is where recovery can help all of us. It shows us that we are all causing our own pain. It's not all the things going on outside of ourselves that are bothering us the most, it's the things going on within us by all the things that we're saying and thinking about ourselves, that's causing all of us our pain. That's what's hurting us the most, this is where all our pain is coming from. None of us know this when we first get here to Recovery, or what we can do about fixing this. In recovery we will all learn that we can fix this about ourselves, and when we do what comes important to all of us is no longer all the things going on outside of us, things that we don't have any control over they will mean less and less to all of us as we all go along in our recovery. What does become important for all of us is we all learn how to begin to love ourselves as none of us were ever able to before, and then we'll all know the meaning and the truth of the saying 'To Thine Own Self Be True'

It's true for me. I never learned to love myself until I was clean several years. I numbed my pain with alcohol and drugs. I didn't understand my own pain. Not sure exactly I still do. Learning to love myself is a process. It's like I take a step forward and two steps back. I am true to myself today and to others

I agree it is an on going process and I was reminded of where it all started for me in reading this yesterday:

Many of us grew up in situations that required us to be constantly on our guard. We became so keenly attuned to the people around us and how to please them or avoid their anger that we lost contact with our inner messages. Rather than developing skills for drawing upon our inner resources, we developed skills for looking outward and reacting to whatever confronted us. This method of survival may have been necessary in the past while we were under stress, but it doesn’t allow us any rest or the possibility of simply following what we know and feel is right.