# 16

Good Morning!

We can gain some insight into the writing of the book through an examination
of the original text *(pre-publication "Multilith")* in conjunction with the
text as printed in the first edition.

Keep in mind, there were more or less two camps within AA at the time Bill
wrote the book. The *Akron/Cleveland* camp was Bible based and religious in
nature; the* New York*bunch was more psychological using a mental approach
to gain the confidence of the newcomer and then hitting him with the
spiritual angle. Sounds like a difficult task to write a book that would
satisfy both trains of thought.

Most of the changes involved *inserting "we" for "you"* and making the text
more inclusive and less like a sermon. Other changes involved *key words* that
were inserted to change the basic meaning of the phrases.

Today and in our next post, we will go through the first three pages
of *Chapter
5* to illustrate how the book was transformed by these changes. The words
that were replaced will appear in *[brackets]* following the words or
phrases by which they were replaced.

*Page 58:
*
*Paragraph 1* - "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly
followed our path*[directions]*."

"They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living
*[way of life]*which demands rigorous honesty."

*Paragraph 2* - "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing
to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain
steps *[follow
directions]*."

*Paragraph 3* - "At some of these we balked *[you may balk]*. We thought *[You
may think]* we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not *[We doubt
you can]*."

*Paragraph 4* - "Remember we deal *[you are dealing]* with alcohol -
cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us *[you]*. But
there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you *[You must]* find
Him now!"

We'll continue with paragraph 1 on page 59 and into the original written
text of the 12 Steps with our next post.

Have a great day!

With Love,
Karen H.

Big Book Study - Post #17

Good Morning everyone!

Beginning on *Page 59, paragraph 1*, we'll continue to examine the text as
originally written to see the changes made before the first edition of the
book was published. The original, pre-publication version is known as the
"Multilith."

"Half measures availed us (will avail you) nothing. We stood at the turning
point. We asked for (Throw yourself to) His protection and care with
complete abandon. (Now we think you can take it)."

"Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a (your) program of
recovery:"

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become
unmanageable. [Unchanged - this step came from Dr. Silkworth.]

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to
sanity. [From Dr. Carl Jung.]

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as
we understood Him. [Essentially our "will" is our thoughts, our thinking.
For example, when making out a will we are putting our thoughts down to be
expressed after we pass on. Our "lives" are comprised of our actions. We are
making a decision to turn our thoughts and our actions over to the care of
God. This step came from the Oxford Group's "Surrender".]

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of
our wrongs. [Steps 4 and 5 are unchanged and came from the Oxford Group's
"Confess your sins."]

6. Were entirely ready to have (willing that) God remove these defects of
character.

7. Humbly (, on our knees,) asked Him to remove our shortcomings (holding
nothing back). [Steps 6 and 7 were inserted as a means of closing any
loopholes.]

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make
(complete)
amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so
would injure them or others. [Unchanged - Steps 8 and 9 came from the Oxford
Group's "Restitution."]

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly
admitted it. [Unchanged.]

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact
with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us
and the power to carry that out. [The words "conscious" and "as we
understood Him" were omitted in the original draft.]

12. Having had a spiritual awakening (experience) as the result of these
steps (this course of action), we tried to carry this message to (others,
especially) alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

In our next post we'll continue with the first paragraph on *page 60* and
begin to delve into Step 3.

Something to think about: the word "suggested" has been twisted around to
make it sound like the steps are optional. Why do you think that word was
inserted into the text?

Have a good day!
Karen H.

Big Book Study - Post #18

Good Morning, everyone!

*Paragraph 2 on* *page 60* - original text in (parenthesis) and my editorial
notes in [brackets]:* *

"Our description of the alcoholic, [found in the Doctor's Opinion and
Chapter 3 - More About Alcoholism] the chapter to the agnostic, [Chapter 4 -
We Agnostics] and our personal adventures before and after" [Chapter 1 -
Bill's Story] make clear (are designed to sell you) three pertinent ideas:

(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. [This is Step
1.]

(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. [This
is the first half of Step 2.]

(c) That God could and would (can and will) if He were sought. [Step 2,
second half.]"

At this point we have completed Steps 1 and 2. Notice how we go directly
into Step 3 here in *paragraph 3*: "Being convinced, we were at Step Three,
which is that we decided [remember that our decisions must be followed up
with action in order to make them meaningful - Step 4 is the action] to turn
our will [our thoughts] and our lives [our actions] over to God as we
understood Him."

*Paragraph 4 -* "The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life
run on self-will can hardly be a success." In the preceding chapters we see
that self-will has little effect regarding our drinking. Now we examine how
that is true regarding our lives as a whole.

Read through to *page 62 paragraph 1*:

"Selfishness - Self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our
troubles." This is an important point. Our troubles weren't the product of a
poor upbringing, horrible parents, being the member of ____ (fill in the
blank with any subset of society). We had a difficult time of it due
to "Selfishness
- Self-centeredness." "...we have made decisions based on self which later
placed us in a position to be hurt." We have discovered that WE are usually
the reason for the suffering we have had to experience. We were not the
unwitting "victims" of life that we frequently portrayed ourselves to be. I
was astonished when this was pointed out to me.

*Next paragraph -* "So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own
making. "...we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it
kills us!" So, it isn't always booze that kills us - selfishness will kill
us indirectly. Throughout the book we will discover that bottles are only a
symbol, that our problem runs deeper than the drinking itself.

Tomorrow, we will pick up with the end of page 62 and touch upon that
spiritual structure that we have been building.

With love,
Karen H.

Big Book Study - Post #19

'Morning everyone :)

We are on page 62, Paragraph 3. Here we find out the position that
God will occupy in our lives: "This is the how and the why of it.
First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we
decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be
our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents." As His agents
we are to express His will for us - not our own. Not the "bush
league pinch hitter" we usually used Him as.

Here's the reference to the spiritual structure: "Most good ideas
are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and
triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom." Earlier we
talked about "Willingness" as the Foundation, "Belief" as the
Cornerstone and now the Keystone is allowing God to be our Director.
A stone mason will tell you that the entire structure of a stone
arch rests upon that Keystone. This is an element that allows the
structure to exist without which we would have a pile of stones. An
arch is the strongest architectural and structural element known to
man. This underscores the importance of where God fits into our
lives.

Most of us our familiar with "The Promises" on page 84 and 85. What
many of us don't realize is that there are promises throughout the
book. Let's go to paragraph 1 on page 63. Read it through... sounds
like promises to me – all these things will come to pass for us if
we proceed to Step 3. "When we sincerely took such a position, all
sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being
all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him
and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became
less and less interested in ourselves, our own little plans and
designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could
contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed
peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as
we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of
today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn." It's all great
stuff!

Paragraph 3 is the Third Step Prayer:

"God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and to do with me as
Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do
Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear
witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of
life. May I do Thy will always!"

Reading through this prayer we can see things about Step 3 that may
not have been apparent before. We begin to see that we have made a
decision and have become open to having a Power greater than
ourselves in our lives. We are asking to be relieved of the bondage
of self, not the bondage of alcohol. This relates to what we believe
to be the root of our problem: "Selfishness – Self Centeredness...,"
remember? At this stage, however, we have only made a decision. For
that decision to become vital, we must take action.

I "made a decision" to take a new job offered to me, but until I
negotiate my new salary, my benefits, sign the offer letter and
report for work it is just a decision. The actions that follow this
decision are what make the decision vital.

With our next post we will begin at the very bottom of page 63 and
the beginning of a detailed discussion of Step 4 as it is detailed in
the Big Book.

Have a great day!

Jim

Big Book Study - Post #20

Good morning!

We are at the bottom of page 63, last paragraph:

"Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step
of which is a personal housecleaning which many of us had never
attempted. Though our decision [Step 3] was a vital and crucial
step, it could have no permanent effect unless at once followed by a
strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things which had
been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get
down to causes and conditions."

So, we don't wait a year to move from Step 3 to Step 4. That is the
meaning of "next," right? Remember, our decision is of little value
unless it is accompanied by action -- vigorous action.

What is the purpose of Step 4? In this step we will identify and get
rid of those things that had been blocking us. From what? Blocking
us from God's grace and our ability to live happy, joyous, and free.

Here again is where many people get tripped up. Step 4 - Made a
searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. First, let's
examine the word "fearless". Bill was, at heart, a businessman. He
wrote from a businessman's perspective in this case. When conducting
an inventory for a grocery store, for example, we look to be rid of
damaged, rotten, and unsalable goods that prevent us from being
profitable. From a businessman's perspective "fearless" means without
regret, without emotion. When we discard a rotten head of cabbage we
have no emotional attachment to it, we just get rid of it so that we
can put a nice fresh head of cabbage in it's place. We need to treat
the things that block us from God's grace in the same way as the
rotten head of cabbage.

Next, let's look at the word "moral". Immediately the alcoholic
thinks of the Sunday Preacher pointing out the moral decay and
failings in his flock. In this context, however, we should really
equate "moral" with truth - the truth about the stock in trade.

Let's look at paragraph 1 on page 64:

"Taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding [searching] and a
fact-facing [fearless] process. It is an effort to discover the
truth [moral] about the stock-in-trade."

So we are identifying all that prevents us from being a successful
enterprise, from having a shot at a happy and useful existence. "If
the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about
values."

In other words we have to become honest with ourselves about
ourselves.

We begin by searching out the flaws in our makeup that caused our
failure. "Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was
what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations." What
did we learn earlier? "Selfishness - Self-centeredness. That we think, is the
root of our troubles." There it is again--self, not
alcohol, was the problem. Alcohol was a symptom.

With our next post we'll discuss the roots of resentment and
thoroughly define that which AA believes to be the number one
offender.

Have a great day!

Jim

Big Book Study - Post #21

Good morning everyone!

We're at Paragraph 3 on page 64 - "Resentment is the number one
offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else." Again we
see it isn't necessarily booze that destroys us, but resentment.

Resentment was a word that I was unfamiliar with when I came to AA.
It means to re-feel old feelings. An example of resentment is when
we run into someone who said something nasty to us six months ago;
if we seethe with the anger as if the statement was made to us this
morning, we have resentment.

Alcoholics seem to store all this stuff within and it makes for a
disconcerting individual. Step 4 is where we begin to deal with these
resentments by putting them down on paper. This is the first of four
lists we will make in connection with Step 4.

"In dealing with resentments, we set them down on paper. We listed
people, institutions (perhaps the police or the DMV) or principles
(10 Commandments, etc.) with whom we were angry."

We begin our 4th Step by writing out a list of resentments. Our list
will be comprised of 5 columns. On the left hand column we list all
of those resentments first. We'll continue with the other four
columns later once we have written out our first-column list. We
think back over our lives and think about how we would feel if we
ran into Mr. or Ms. ______. If our second grade teacher, Miss
Crabtree, called us lazy or stupid in front of the class and we were
ashamed of it and we begin to experience old anger when thinking of
her we write her name down. If my lazy ass brother dropped by would
I resent his presence? My boss, do I resent her? My ex-wife? My
mother? The police? College professors? Drill Sargeant? The auto
mechanic who ripped me off? My neighbor? The guy who made a pass at
my wife? And what about God -- do I resent Him?

Once we are done listing everyone we will begin filling out the next
column: "The Cause." Next to each name we list what they did to
cause me to become angry. We move from the top of the list to the
bottom, and write out the cause for each resentment. (Page 65 is a
great place for tips.)

We'll go through the last three columns in our next post.

Have a great day!

Jim

Big Book Study - Post #22

Good morning! [We'll take a break on Monday to celebrate Memorial Day - our next
post will be on Tuesday]

We are filling out the third column of the first of four parts of our
4th Step inventory. The four parts are:

1. Resentments
2. Fears
3. Sexual Conduct
4. Harms other than Sexual.

After filling out column 2, "The Cause" we move to column 3, "Affects
My". Opposite each of the names we list our injuries: "Was it our
self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal or sex
relations which had been interfered with?" Referring to page 65 in
the text we see "(fear)" throughout our "Affects My" column. The root
of our anger (and all of our defects) was fear associated with each
of these instincts.

In the next column, number 4, we list what we had done:

"Putting out of mind the wrongs others have done I look for my own
mistakes... What did I do, if anything, to set into motion trains of
circumstances which in turn caused people or institutions to hurt me
and eventually led to my resentment for them?"

Did I fail to pay the car loan and then resented the bank for
repossessing the car? Was I lazy at work and failed to perform a
day's work for a day's pay, was terminated and became resentful as a
result?

Our last column, number 5, we look at ourselves:

"...we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been
selfish? Dishonest? Self-seeking? Frightened?"

Which of the above character defects caused me to do what I did, or
cause me to want to hold on to an old resentment even though I may
have done nothing to cause it? Was it Pride? Anger? Greed? Gluttony?
Lust? Envy? Sloth?

Page 66 - "It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment
leads only to futility and unhappiness...this business of resentment
is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring
such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit.
The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again."

Strong words! Here is the first indication that we are restored to
sanity, but if we are harboring resentment we can drink again.
Resentment seems to sabotage more long term sobriety than anything
else.

This is the basic 4th Step process. We will repeat the same five
columns, three more times:

1. A list of Fears
2. A list of our Sex Conduct
3. A list of Harms other than Sexual

The names appearing in our 4th Step lists will comprise the basis for
our Step 8 list.

A prayer for Step 4 and resentment is found at the top of page 67:

"We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and
patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person
offended we said to ourselves, 'This is a sick man. How can I be
helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.'"

We pray for those we resent in order to be rid of the resentment.

Our sexual conduct is reviewed in the book on pages 68-70. There are
three suggested prayers on the topic of sex:

Page 69, paragraph 2: "We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to
live up to them". In the next paragraph: "...we ask God what we
should do about each specific matter."

The last prayer is on page 70, paragraph 2: "...We earnestly pray for
the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for
sanity, and for strength to do the right thing."

Sex is very troublesome for alcoholics because sex is frequently used
for purposes other than expressing love or for procreation. It can be
used as a weapon or as a source of power or to feed ego. With it we
harm others, can be quite selfish, and bring unhappiness to those
about us. We have used it to purchase security, to exact retribution
and to control others. Here we look at it and try to formulate, and
live up to, an ideal with God's help. We also remember that if our
sex conduct continues to harm others we are in danger of drinking
again.

Bill summarizes our process in the last two paragraphs of the
chapter. Page 71:

"We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-
will has blocked you off from Him. If you have already made a
decision (Step 3), and an inventory (Step 4) of your grosser
handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so you have
swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself."

In our next post we will go on to Chapter 6 "Into Action" and discuss
Step 5.

Have a great day!

Jim

Big Book Study - Post #23

Good Morning, everyone!

We are at page 72 - Chapter 6 "Into Action" - and we're about to
embark on our discussion of the 5th Step!

"Having made our personal inventory, what shall we do about it? We
have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our
Creator, and to discover the obstacles in our path." Let's pause
here to ask ourselves what these obstacles are.

Looking at our 4th Step, last column, we discover that our defects
are what stand between us and *The Man Upstairs*. "This requires
action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have
admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact
nature of our DEFECTS." Didn't they mean "wrongs"? Reading through
the book we see that Bill tries not to repeat himself - something he
learned in school about writing. When he speaks of "defects of
character," "shortcomings," and "wrongs," he means the same thing -
they are synonymous.

We are about to begin Step 5 and it is important to note the mindset
of it. A former sponsor of mine would say to me how important it was
to "live my life as an open book." I had no idea what the man was
talking about. Step 5 is the first time for most of us to allow
anyone look into that "book." When we sit down with someone, usually
a sponsor, and go over Step 5 we are exposing our private selves to
someone else for the first time. The idea of Step 5 is to begin the
process of living in an open manner. This is the beginning of the
end of shame and guilt for these will shut us off from the sunlight
of the Spirit.

In paragraph 2 on page 72 we acknowledge that "In actual practice,
we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient." The book is
emphatic about including someone else, in addition to God, in the
process. If we skip this vital step we may drink again. One of the
things that trips people up is the last sentence in that same
paragraph: "...until they told someone else ALL their life story."
Some of us have interpreted that as meaning that we have to write an
autobiography. Let's look at what is in the book and what was meant.

First, on the preceding page, we have been told we are on Step 5
already - our 4th Step inventory is complete. Second, the idea is to
reinforce the notion that it is a complete disclosure - that
withholding anything will jeopardize our sobriety. What we expose by
taking inventory in the manner as described in the previous chapter
is what makes a difference. Those things that have shut us off from
the "sunlight of the Spirit" is what is important. Again, the basic
point of "...ALL their life story" is that we should hold nothing
back once we begin the 5th Step process.

Reading through to the top of page 75 we discover one of the few
places that the basic text is actually dated. Remember, at the time
this book was originally written, that there were fewer than 100
alcoholics sober. It was quite possible not to find someone suitable
for a Fifth Step. Happily, with over 2 million members, we are most
likely to find someone within our fellowship to take this vital step
with.

In our next post we will start at the first paragraph on page 75 and
a thorough discussion of Step 5.

Have a great day!

Jim

Big Book Study - Post #24

Good morning everyone!

We are on Page 75. Paragraph 2 includes the 5th Step promises:

"Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are
delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at
perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the
nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs,
but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that
the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel
we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of
the Universe."

There is some wonderful stuff there. This is where we really start
to clear that channel between God and ourselves and begin to feel
the power of His presence in our lives.

>>>Karen: I will admit to you right here that I did not have good
sponsorship in my early sobriety, so I struggled terribly with the
5th Step. It was the most difficult step for me. (I tried to take my
first 5th step with my cat! Needless to say, it didn't work.)

When I finally did sit with another human being, I still hung on to
some secrets I planned to take to my grave. By my 5th sobriety
anniversary, I was in bad shape. I was finally urged by a dear
friend to deal with it. I'm forever grateful that I did. I now walk
this earth a free woman.

When I sponsor other women through the 5th step, we go through her
4th step inventory thoroughly. We discuss every character defect. We
uncover every secret, hidden thing. We do our very best to be
fearless and thorough. I share much of my 5th step with her along
the way, so she'll know she is not alone and most certainly not the
worst woman in the world. We cry, we laugh, we talk, and we dig.<<<

Today, my life is an open book. Shame and guilt are no longer
associated with the way that I live. It is no longer necessary to
hide the things that I do or say because I try to live along
spiritual lines. Step 5 was the integral step in beginning this
road, "the Broad Highway, to freedom."

In order to prevent having to repeat the 4th and 5th Steps, my
sponsor directed me to begin self examination each day using Step
10. Later in this study, we will see how Step 10 incorporates the
same ideas and principles that have been expressed in Steps 4 and 5.
By practicing Step 10 daily, I avoid building up a load of trash, so
I never have the need to take a second 4th Step. I take the trash
out every day. That is also why it says "Continued to take personal
inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it" in Step 10,
for we have commenced to do this as we straightened out the past.

So, how long do we wait to proceed on to Step 6? Paragraph 3 on page
75 answers that question:

"Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour,
carefully reviewing what we have done."

For an hour, not a year!

Now we again examine that spiritual structure we have previously
discussed on pages 12, 47, and 62:

"Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted
anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall a free
man at last."

The spiritual structure is an arch and each of the preceding steps
have built upon each other to build this arch. If we have not been
thorough, our structure will crumble. Reviewing our previous work is
essential.

It will take us a while to get through this chapter. There is a lot
of ground to cover—Steps 5 through 11 in one chapter! In our next
post we will proceed to page 76 and the discussion of Steps 6 and 7.

Jim

Big Book Study - Post #25

Good Morning Everyone!

Page 76 - Let's look at the first paragraph - Believe it or not
there is a prayer for the 6th Step too: "Can He now take them all -
every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask
God to help us be willing." We pray for willingness in Step 6. Much
like the process in Step 3 we are really making a decision to become
willing to have God remove these defects/shortcomings. And, much
like Step 3 there is a definite action associated with the decision.
We employ right action to fulfill our decision, we do the opposite
of our defects, we act our way into good thinking.

Step 7 - "My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of
me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single
defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you
and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your
bidding. Amen." Our 7th Step Prayer. We have noticed that "defects"
appear instead of "shortcomings" in the prayer. Bill, who prefered
not to repeated himself, used a synynom: defects of character =
shortcomings = wrongs.

There is more work to do to clear the channel between us and our
Higher Power. "Faith without works is dead." How are we to do this
work, also known as God's will, if we are still a prisoner to the
past? How do we walk out from here and attempt to do His will if we
aren't able to look everyone in the eye? Two tremendously vital
steps that enable us to live happy, joyous and free are all about
amends.

Still on page 76, let's look at paragraph 3: "We have a list of
persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We
made it when we took inventory" [during the step 4 and 5 process].
Here is where the term "amends" is defined: "Now we go out to our
fellows and repair the damage done in the past." "...repair the
damage," not apologize - we are attempting to right a serious
wrong. Remember, also, this step has it's roots in the Oxford Group
concept of "Restitution". Restitution is a synonym of amends.
Through it we accept responsibility for our part and we make it
right. "I'm really sorry" isn't what we are looking for here.

The prayer for Step 8 - "If we haven't the will to do this, we ask
until it comes." I needed to ask God for the will to face all these
people and without His help it was too much for me. I brought my
list to my sponsor to review and determine my best course of action
to achieve these amends. Today I am grateful for having done so for
I received many helpful suggestions. He emphasized that I was there
to clear my side of the street, that the wrongs of the other party
were not the focus of the discussion.

With our next post we'll discuss Step 9 in depth. We'll begin at the
bottom of page 76.

Have a great day, everyone!

Jim

Big Book Study - Post #26

Welcome back everyone!

Let's read through starting from the bottom of page 76 and on to the
top of page 77. Here is where we find out what our purpose is: "Our
real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and
the people about us." [Let's all remember this the next time we
hear someone say, "I have no idea what God's will for me is!"] In
order to be of service we must free ourselves of the past. The
process of steps 4 through 9 accomplishes this task if we are
thorough.

In paragraph 1 on page 77 we find out the painfully obvious: "It is
harder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it more
beneficial to us." In the following paragraph we get definite
instruction on what we are to do in the process of making
amends: "Under no condition do we criticize such a person or
argue. Simply tell him that we will never get over drinking until
we have done our utmost to straighten out the past." "Our utmost"
means we do everything we possibly can. "We are there to sweep off
our side of the street, realizing nothing worthwhile can be
accomplished until we do so..." We are there to talk about our
transgressions, regardless of how this person may have wronged us.

Paragraph 2 on page 78 gives us some direction regarding our
creditors. "Most alcoholics owe money. We do not dodge our
creditors." That means we answer the phone when they call. We
respond to demands for payment and work out a payment plan. Of
course drunks want to save up the cash and pay it all at once, but
that never seems to work with us. Even if we commit to $20 per week
or some other means of payment, over time we meet our obligations.
If we are avoiding phone calls or not opening the mail, we cannot do
God's will, can we? Having paid my way out of the financial "black
hole" myself I can tell you it is worth the effort.

From paragraph 3 on page 78 through page 82, there are several
mentions of caution when making amends. Criminal offenses are
covered on page 78 to 79. A prayer for the 9th Step appears on page
79 in the first paragraph: "...we ask (God) that we be given
strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter
what the personal consequences may be." The paragraph finishes
with, "We must not shrink at anything." It's a funny thing, once we
have faced all these people and institutions, we fear life less. We
find out the what we feared most was what resided within us, and
through this process we vanquish this fear.

Another caution -- the involvement of others. In paragraph 2 on
page 79, we read that we must be sure to account for the effect of
our amends on others. A sponsor helps tremendously here, helping us
to see things we fail to see at first glance.

Turning to page 80 a definition of "amends" is buried in the text.
Let's look at paragraph 3: "He felt he had done a wrong he could not
possibly make right." Looking at that line, we realize that we are
attempting to "right a serious wrong." Sounds quite a bit more than
our "I'm sorry I _____________ (fill in the blank)," doesn't it?

With our next post we'll pick up at the bottom of page 80 where the
discussion of our domestic situation begins in relation to Step 9.

Have a great day!

Jim

Big Book Study - Post #27

Sorry about yesterday - wasn't able to access Yahoo! Groups for some reason...

Good Morning!

We are at the bottom of page 80. The next several paragraphs,
through the end of paragraph 1 on page 82, deal with the problems
associated with sex outside of marriage. This is an especially
difficult area for alcoholics. If we have been unfaithful we have to
face up to it, if we continue to be dishonest with ourselves and
those about us, we are setting ourselves up for failure.

The last paragraph on this page, and the first on the following
page, underscore the fact that we have to do more than stay sober in
order to make effective amends:

"We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough.
He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find
his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, "Don't see anything the
matter here, Ma. Ain't it grand the wind stopped blowin'?

"Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take
the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fill the
bill at all."

Reading through to the last paragraph on page 83, we see that we are
going to have to take definitive action when taking Step 9,
particularly with our families.

Now the promises that everyone likes to talk about:

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will
be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new
freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to
shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we
will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we
will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of
uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in
selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will
slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will
intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not
do for ourselves.

"Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being
fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will
always materialize if we work for them."

It is important to note where these particular promises are in the
book - at the end of Step 9.

At this time we have completed our initial "house cleaning." Once
complete, we shall receive God's grace. The promises begin to come
true for us. "If we are painstaking about this phase of our
development, we will be amazed before we are half way
through." "This phase" is the Steps 4-9 phase. "The Promises" are
wonderful and they give us alot of hope, with one caveat: page 84
paragraph 1 - "They will always materialize if we work for them."
We don't get them by osmosis. They just don't fall into our lap, we
have to work for them.

The whole process of Steps 8 and 9 is geared to prepare us to be of
service to God and our fellows. When we complete this phase of our
development we can look the whole world in the eye. This is when we
can truly live one day at a time.

With our next post we'll start at paragraph 2 on page 84 and our
discussion of Step 10 in the book. Stay tuned, we have more promises
to come.

Have a wonderful day,

Jim

Big Book Study - Post #28

Good Morning everyone!

Although it seems like we're running through the Steps, keep in mind
that in this chapter alone we cover steps 5 through 10 -- a mere 16
pages for 6 steps. No wonder this chapter is called Into Action!

We are at page 84, paragraph 2, and the beginning of Step 10.

"This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to
take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes
as we go along." So, in Step 10, we continue the process of
housecleaning/amends that we have embarked on in the Step 4 through
9 process. "We have entered the world of the Spirit." We have had a
spiritual awakening or experience. "Our next function is to grow
in understanding and effectiveness." (Makes you wonder about all
those people who say "This thing works but I don't know how")

This is the first of the continuing growth steps. In the past, Steps
10, 11, and 12 were called Maintenance Steps. Although maintenance
is part of the idea we really need continued growth through Steps
10 - 12. "It should continue for our lifetime." A daily 10th Step,
an integral part of our lives - that's the idea. "Continue to watch
for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear." Sounds like a
4th Step doesn't it? "When these crop up we ask God at once to remove
them." Sounds like what we have done in Steps 6 and 7. "We discuss
them with someone immediately (Step 5, right?) and make amends
quickly if we have harmed anyone." That sounds like our actions in
Steps 8 and 9 to me. What is our code? "Love and tolerance is our
code."

In this short paragraph outlining the 10th Step we have touched upon
Steps 4 through 9. We are continuing the process on a daily basis
that we began when we did Steps 4 through 9. If we are thorough in
our 10th Step there is likely to be no need to repeat any of Steps 4
through 9.

Another group of promises, the Step Ten Promises, appears at the
bottom of Page 84 - last paragraph: "And we have ceased fighting
anything or anyone- even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have
returned." Can we hide behind "insanity" any longer? Still "sick?"
Are we "crazy?" No, not in respect to alcohol. We have been restored
to sanity and are no longer the victim of the mental obsession that
dooms us to drink. That is a miracle to me! "If tempted, we recoil
from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we
will find that this has happened automatically. ... We are not
fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. ... Instead, the
problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. ... This is how
we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition." It sounds
to me that we shouldn't be fighting booze if we have gone through
this process. Are we white knuckling it? Then, perhaps, we haven't
practiced the program as presented. Are we thinking about a drink
frequently? Are we tempted to drink? We must go back and review what
we have done; there is a flaw somewhere. Have we been entirely
honest? "Have we tried to make mortar without sand? ... Have we held
on to some of the worst items in stock?"

Some of the greatest miracles of sobriety are made possible through
the practice and application of the 12 Step process in our lives. It
is these miracles that separates Alcoholics Anonymous from
everything else out there. These miracles are possible for each and
every one of us. But these same miracles are only possible by
following the program as presented in the Big Book. Once we decide
to "work our own program" we cannot expect the benefits of this
message.

With our next post we'll continue our discussion on Step 10 on page
85, paragraph 1.

Have a great day everyone!

Jim

Big Book Study - Post #29

Good Morning and Happy 75th birthday to our fellowship!

Page 85, Paragraph 1 - While we have recovered from alcoholism:

"We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily
reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into
all our activities. 'How can I best serve Thee--Thy will (not mine)
be done.' These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We
can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the
proper use of the will."

Although we have made a decision to turn our will over to the care
of God as we understand Him (in Step 3) we are told here how to use
our will to fulfill that same decision. Our will isn't taken from
us; instead, we are taught the proper use of our will. The proper
use of our will is to try to align our self-will with God's will.

Step 10 is our principal means of growth after we have completed the
process of the first 9 steps. It is not a step that can be
incorporated into our lives by itself, however. To be vital it must
be paired up with Step 11. In the "12 Steps and 12 Traditions", in
the discussion of Step 11, Bill refers to the "unshakeable
foundation for life." That foundation is the logical interweaving
of the process of self-examination (Step 10) and conscious contact
with a Power greater than ourselves (Step 11). If the channel
between us and God is filled with unattended 10th Step stuff --
fear, resentment, anger, guilt and the like -- we will not have the
open channel we need to God and His Grace. The sunlight of the
Spirit can't come into our lives. Conversely, when our conscious
contact with God isn't there our ability to "identify the worst
items in stock" can disappear as well.

Step 11 begins at the bottom of Page 85. Let's read through to page
86 - paragraph 1:

"When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we
resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? (Step 4? Sounds like it.)
Do we owe an apology? (similar to Step 9 perhaps?) Have we kept
something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person
at once? (Step 5) Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we
have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?
(More inventory) ... After making our review we ask God's
forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken."

So, at the end of the day we review and, through meditation and
prayer, we "inquire what corrective measures should be taken."
Sounds like Steps 10 and 11 go hand-in-hand. We are asking God for
direction in prayer. Some of the folks I got sober with used to say
that prayer was talking to God and meditation was listening.

As we go through Step 11 here in the book we will see that Bill's
knowledge of meditation and prayer was somewhat limited and he was
forced to keep it simple. (This is what he is referring to when he
says "we only know a little" on Page 164, by the way). Because
prayer and meditation takes innumerable forms it was probably for
the best.

With our next post we will continue with our discussion of Step 11
on page 86 at paragraph 2.

Have a wonderful day!

Jim

Big Book Study - Post #30

Good morning everyone!

We're at *Page 86, paragraph 2*: "On awakening let us think about the
twenty-four hours ahead. ... we ask God to direct our thinking, especially
asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking
motives." (This is one of the Step 11 prayers.) If we are indecisive: "Here
we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. (Another
prayer.) We relax and take it easy." We aren't obsessing on this, we think
of something else knowing that the answers will come. Although we come to
rely upon intuition we always check with others on those thoughts before
putting them into action.

Yet another prayer: the Big Book 11th Step Prayer, *page 87*, *paragraph 1*:
"We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown
all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever
we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from
self-will, and are careful to make no requests for ourselves only." Here we
are praying for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it
out.

What is the outcome? At the top of *page 88*: "We are in much less
danger of (suffering
from) excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish
decisions."Those foolish decisions caused me plenty of trouble!

Now, you'll notice that Bill was getting at what meditation meant for him:
From the point of "On awakening..." to immediately before "We usually
conclude the period of meditation..." we are engaging in meditation. We are
thinking about what our actions will be, what we will face, how we will
conduct ourselves.

I began my meditation life by quieting the endless conversation that I used
to have with myself inside of my head, quite simply I was driving myself
nuts! Then I started to direct my thinking to what I would face over the
course of the day. Of course that meant that I had to change the way that I
lived. I couldn't continue to live my life as if I was shot out of a cannon
each morning. I received valuable suggestions: instead of waking up at the
last possible second, perhaps if I got up a little earlier that may allow
time for meditation, instead of waiting until the fuel gauge read "E" maybe
I should fill up at 1/4 of a tank. Leaving a little earlier for work would
help my state of mind in the morning, arriving less frazzled and on time.
These and many other suggestions helped immensely. The result was it was
easier to meditate in the morning and prepare for the day.

Today, I get up early -- around 4:30 am. I take my dogs for a brisk walk in
the peaceful darkness around my neighborhood, and take advantage of that
time by communicating with God as I walk. When I get back home, I spend a
little more time in study -- the Big Book, the Bible, or some other material
of a spiritual nature. I spend time digesting the reading, seeing how it
applies to my life, and quietly listening to what God wants to say to me
through what I studied. Then, I spend time in prayer. I try to send a quick
e-mail or two to encourage some of the newcomers online. After that, I drive
to work and during that time I listen to spiritually-edifying CDs, tapes, or
radio.

After beginning my day with prayer and meditation, by the time I begin my
day at the office, I have no fear because I always have a Partner who has
all power. I put in the footwork and the results are up to Him. My life is
no longer the "Chinese Fire Drill" that it once was. The 12 Steps have been
the key.

*Exercise:* Go back and re-read the text and count how many times "think,"
"thought," "brains," "intuition," or their synonyms appear in the text. You
may be surprised to learn how much "thought" goes into meditation!

In our next post we'll begin Chapter 7. Since "faith without works is
dead," there is more action to come.

Have a good day!
Karen H.