Wisdom For Today - January
 

January 1

Wisdom for Today
Life is filled with lots of firsts. One thing I have learned in recovery is that my life cannot afford a first drink, pill or fix. I had my first drink already, and I don't want to go back. I don't think I really got to this point in my recovery until after I completed my Fifth Step. As difficult as it was to share my history with another human being, there was something almost magical about getting everything out in the open. It was very freeing. It was almost like the chains of bondage had been opened, and I could finally move on with my life. I didn't want to go back to the beginning anymore. I just wanted to move ahead.
I had reached a point in recovery where I could really accept the fact that I had a disease. I could see that because of my disease, I had behaved in ways I wished I had not. I could see all the mistakes and how I had wronged so many including myself. It was not a pretty picture. In spite of the ugliness that was behind me, I had reached a point where I could forgive myself. I could accept that much of what happened occurred as a consequence of my disease. I could look at myself in the mirror and believe that I was okay and that my Higher Power would help me put my life back together again. Have I forgiven myself?
Meditations for the Heart
I really had no idea what love was all about until I got into recovery. I know I had experienced love from others, but I didn't know how to give love to anyone. In recovery I began to look at others in the program as my brothers and sisters. We are all children of the same heavenly Father. I had to learn to think differently and to begin to reach out to others in a caring manner. I let go of my judgments, criticism and resentments. I didn't participate in gossip about others. Instead I worked on being patient and understanding. I began to develop a true compassion for others and worked at being helpful when I could. I found that when I did these things, I was actually helping myself. Have I begun the repair work of rebuilding my life?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You have granted me a new freedom and a chance at rebuilding my life. Let me this day do the work necessary to put the pieces of my life back together again. I have no idea what my life may look like when I have finished the repair work I need to do, but I am willing to trust that You will lead me to that which is good. Help me this day to be compassionate and caring towards others, and let me always be patient.
Amen.

January 2

Wisdom for Today
Step Five is like standing at the crossroads between our old way of living and the opportunity to begin living a new life. I remember when I first came into the program. I thought my life started all over again when I admitted my powerlessness and unmanageability. In some ways it did, but I continued to live my life without change except for abstinence from mood-altering chemicals. In completing Step Five, I now had an opportunity to make significant changes in my life as well as begin the repair work I needed to do.
Completing Steps One through Five is a lot like taking out an insurance policy on recovery. While it is not a guarantee, these Steps certainly act as a strong insurance policy against relapse. If we are painstaking about this phase of our program, we will not wish to return. The remaining Steps are how we continue to pay our insurance premium. I really did not expect to get to a point where I no longer desired to get wasted or high. Now I can't imagine not paying my insurance premiums. Have I experienced the freedom that an honest Step Five brings?
Meditations for the Heart
Insurance brings a sense of security. It is not a false sense of security, because tragedy can strike; but there is a comfort in knowing that your recovery is protected. This is the security I felt when I accepted the gift of forgiveness that God offers. This is the sense of security I felt when I knew I was accepted by others in the program and when I could truly accept myself. Insurance does protect, but it does not mean that relapse can no longer occur. Indeed, if this were all that was needed, then there would only be Five Steps in the program. The founders of the Twelve Step program knew that there was more needed in order to stay clean and sober. In fact, they established seven more Steps. Am I resting on Step Five and not doing the repair work that is needed?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You have provided me and thousands like me the Steps needed to escape from the bondage of addiction. For this I am grateful. Walk with me this day as I continue my journey in recovery. Let me experience the security that the program offers. Keep me motivated to experience the promises of the Twelve Steps.
Amen.

January 3

Wisdom for Today
There is a song that goes, "You can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want; but if you try sometime, you just might find you get what you need." This has certainly been the case for me in the program. In fact, I have come to accept that I have little or no control over the outcome. I am only responsible for the effort. When I look back at my drinking and my drug use, I rarely if ever got what I wanted. Sure, maybe in the beginning, I got high like I wanted; but it didn't take long for me to start chasing that ever-elusive high.
In recovery, however, I find that I get out of the program what I put into it. And if I put faith in a Higher Power into my program, I am amazed at how often I get what I need. Yes, I don't always get what I want; but I do get what I need. When I am faced with my own weakness, I am given strength and patience. When I am faced with fear, I am given courage. When I am faced with truth, I am given choices for positive change. Am I putting what I need to into the program?
Meditations for the Heart
One of the things I needed most in early recovery were friends, friends who would be willing to be honest with me and who genuinely cared for me. I knew how to make using buddies, but had no real idea how to make friends. If I was going to get what I needed, I had to become willing to put some effort into it. I had to become friendly, if I was going to make friends. This meant that I would have to talk to others in the program and begin to show a genuine interest in their life. I would need to strive to be helpful to those who were near me. I needed to search for something in every person I met that I could like. I had to stop looking at how others were different than I was and start looking for similarities. I had to stop making judgments about others. I needed to work on accepting them for who they were. I found that when I started to treat others with respect, I began to respect myself more. I found that when I cared enough to be honest with others, I could be more honest with myself. Am I putting effort into getting what I need?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You have given me this day all I need and continue to provide for my needs. Grant me strength to reach out to others and to put effort into getting what I need. Help me this day to see things in a new light and to take advantage of the opportunities for growth that You give to me. Help me to seek out Your will for me this day.
Amen.

January 4

Wisdom for Today
There are days, and then there are days. This was a tough lesson to learn in early recovery. I would go for days and even weeks where life seemed to be heading in a good direction, then WHAM! – a bad day would hit me in the face. Sometimes it would be cravings or urges to drink or use that seemed to come out of nowhere. Other times it would be because I got into a fight with my spouse. Sometimes grief would just seem to creep into my day and slowly surround me. It really didn't matter what the reason was; I was suddenly in the middle of a struggle.
It was during these times that my character defects would like to come out and play. It was like trouble invited more trouble to the party. It was hard not to get back into my old behavior and use my old, unhealthy coping skills. This is when I would remember the words my sponsor gave to me, "Remember to breathe." He was referring to his conversations with me about only paying attention to things that could affect my breathing, in other words, things that could kill me. I knew that going back to my old ways of thinking, feeling and behaving would lead me back to using. I knew this could affect my breathing. So on bad days I would remember to breath and go back to the basics of recovery. Believe me it was not perfect, but I am still breathing today. Do I know what to do when I am having a bad day?
Meditations for the Heart
Going back to the basics for me means using the slogans, prayer, meetings, phone calls and anything that works. On bad days I get knocked off center, so I go to a pace that can help me get centered again. I close my eyes and take several deep breaths. I calm down and quietly go through the steps one at a time. I use what I need to use – admitting powerlessness and unmanageability, believing that God can restore sanity, turning it over, whatever it takes. I ask for help, and I reach out to others. I have seen this process work for me again and again. It doesn't change what is going on in my life, but it changes how I am looking at it. It changes me. So, I remember to breathe. What will I do to get myself back on track when I need to?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I have come to realize that not every day is meant to be filled with sunshine. Help me to weather the storms in my life and use the tools that work. Sometimes when I grow fearful, it is like I stop breathing. Help me always to remember to breathe in Your Spirit and seek Your strength. Guide me this day, and lead me to the people I need in my life.
Amen.

January 5

Wisdom for Today
“We will not regret the past, nor will we shut the door on it.” This is the new freedom that Step Five provides. Completing Step Five allows you to stop regretting the past and at the same time still be able to look at it without disgust. This is not to say that I don’t wish that many things I did while drinking and using drugs could have been avoided. But I can’t undo the past; I can only work to repair the damage. I can only work to pay my recovery insurance premiums so that I do not relapse. Each time I attend a meeting and each time I spend in quiet meditation or prayer, I am making a payment on my
insurance – a policy I do not want to let lapse.
The founders of the program did two things that were absolutely brilliant, some say divinely inspired. First they wrote down the steps of recovery that they found worked. The next inspired thing they did was to number these steps. This shows me that once I have taken a good look at myself and shared this openly in Step Five, if I am to change, the change must begin with me. And so this is where the repair work was to begin. I was to make myself ready to have God do His work on me. This was to be the first of many premium payments I would need to make to insure my recovery. Am I willing to make all the necessary recovery insurance payments?
Meditations for the Heart
As I walked through the steps, I began to recognize that God was walking with me on this journey. In all my personal relationships, I began to see evidence of God working in my life to improve it. Over and over again I would see God guide and direct me. I was given opportunities for change. I was given strength, and I was given courage. I found myself doing things that I did not know I was capable of doing. Today I am convinced that each of the changes I have gone through on this journey have occurred only because God was leading me on this path. Seeing this evidence has only worked to strengthen my faith that my Higher Power is indeed caring for me. Do I believe that God is looking out for me and helping me along the way?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

You have guided me this far, and I now trust that You will continue to lead me to a better way of living my life. You have enabled one change after another in my life and in who I am. Let me continue to follow Your direction for my life.

Amen.

January 6

Wisdom for Today
Quiet satisfaction is the best way to describe what I felt after completing my Fifth Step. There was this deep sense of calmness in my heart, knowing that God and another person both had listened to my disclosure, and neither had rejected me. I also did not want to reject myself. I still did not like everything that I had talked about, but now it seemed less overwhelming. I had finished talking and was told by the recovering pastor that now that I had done my Fifth Step that it was time to be quiet and listen for God's response. We said a prayer together, and then I left his office and went and sat in the church for a while.
I sat there quietly and wondered about what God would have me do. It was as if the whole nature of my prayers had changed. I had spent months asking God for help and asking for guidance. I spent time asking for strength just to make it one hour at a time. Now, for the first time, sitting in the dark church, I was asking what God wanted me to do. I wasn't asking for something, I was asking how I could serve God. Not only was there an inner quietness, but also there was a satisfaction in knowing that I no longer needed to be self-centered. I could now begin to make changes in my life – in who I was – and became ready to do the needed repair work to put my life back in one piece. Have I begun to pray about what I can do for God?
Meditation for the Heart
From this point on, the path I was walking did not seem so difficult. There was a gentle rise as I walked forward. I had a sense that wonderful discoveries could now be made. My vision was clearer, and I now had something I had only glimpsed previously. I could see my hand in God's hand as I walked along this pathway to recovery. I could now see the power I had been given and how I had been kept safe throughout my life. I could now see that God had always been there with me, even in my addiction, and how He had protected me from too great harm. I could also see clearly that I needed to continue my journey through the steps and that I would learn new things every day. Has my sense of hope become stronger?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I know that there will still be times when I need to call on You for strength. I know that You will satisfy my every need. Today let me serve You and do Your will. Let me reach out to others and share what I have been taught.
Amen.

January 7

Wisdom for Today
There are a lot of little things that go into making recovery what it is, but all those little things add up over time. I'm not sure I could even begin to describe all the little things that go into it. I have just come to accept that when all it is added up, life is good. This is not to say that there are no more problems, just better ones, or at least better ways to cope with the problems that come up in life. I have been fortunate enough to put together a good deal of time under my belt, but it has all been done one day at a time.
One of the more important little things is to find gratitude in recovery. I know for certain that gratitude was not present early in my recovery process. Yes, I was glad I had stopped drinking and using, but I was not happy right away. In fact, I was pretty miserable for a while. I'm not even sure when gratitude first came into the picture, but I know it was solidified when I completed Step Five. I became grateful for the inner calm and the quiet satisfaction I felt. I became grateful for the ability to forgive myself. I became grateful for the forgiveness I felt from my Higher Power. Have I begun to see the little things add up?
Meditations for the Heart
I came to a fork in the road of recovery when I completed Step Five. One path led nowhere because it was the path on which I see too many addicts and alcoholics stop. Too many times I have seen individuals finish Step Five and skip the repair work, jumping ahead to Step Ten, or even Twelve. This path seems to go nowhere because it just goes in circles. I know, because I walked on this path for a time. The other path leads on to Step Six, a process of preparation and letting go. I thought that the path that went nowhere would allow me some time to rest, but I found going in circles was not easy. I knew the other path would not be easy either, but at least it led somewhere. If I was going to hang onto that sense of gratitude, then the choice was simple. It was time to move on. Am I ready to move forward in my recovery?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You never said this road would be easy, but the directions You provide are simple enough. Today I will be glad for the journey. I will seek out the things in my life for which I can be grateful, and I will acknowledge the gifts that I receive from You. Help me to make good and healthy choices today.
Amen.

January 8

Wisdom for Today
One thing that completing my Fifth Step helped me with was in becoming humble. There was no more room for grandiosity or arrogance. There was no way to stand before my Higher Power and admit my wrongs with an arrogant heart. There was no way to stand before another person and tell my story and what I had done with my life and to the people I hurt and remain grandiose. Sharing my life history openly and honestly could only be done from a place of humility. At first glance, this does not exactly sound like a good thing.
But in retrospect, I personally believe that this was perhaps the best thing that could have happened to me. In this place of humility, I first discovered my inner most self. Even more importantly, I first discovered God, as I understand Him. What I mean is that I really moved from a place of simple faith that perhaps God could help me to a place where I had a personal relationship with God. My conversation with God and the other person listening to my Fifth Step was indeed a turning point. I became humble and really owned that I could not run the show. It was not just my drinking and using drugs, but I understood that I could not run my life. I could not change myself. I now had real help. Have I developed a humble heart?
Meditations for the Heart
Out of the ashes of selfishness I crawled, and I slowly learned how to sit up. I then learned to stand up. When I put my hand into God's hand, I learned to walk. In the Fifth Step it was as if I could step into a shower and wash off all the ashes of my life. Yesterday was over, and I could not change what had happened. I could only ask my Higher Power to forgive me and honestly and humbly try to follow His will for me. Today is here; and it provides me with a new start, a chance at renewal. I must start each day I am given in this place of a humble heart, and in complete faith and trust in God I will walk forward. I have learned that I cannot yet run, but my steps today are much better than crawling through the ashes of my life. Do I start my day with complete trust and faith that God will lead my way?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today I pray that I can do Your will and that I will work to make the world a better place to live in. Help me to bring goodness into all that I do, and let me give back what I have been given.
Amen.

January 9

Wisdom for Today
Transformation seems to be a common occurrence in the program. It is not what I read in a book or even what I heard someone say at a meeting that convinced me that the program works. What really convinced me was seeing what happened in my own life and what I saw happen in the lives of others. I mean, after all, here I was a drunk and a drug addict. I could not stop on my own, but now I was alcohol and drug free. As I saw new people come into the program, I watched the same thing happen to them, if they were willing to go to the necessary lengths.

But it was not just abstinence that convinced me; it was how my life was changed. There was a real level of pathology in my thinking, emotional responses and behaviors. My beliefs were all screwed up. Working my way through the Steps, I became a useful person in society. I saw myself make changes in my thinking, emotional responses and behaviors. I saw myself change my belief system. I saw these things occur in my life and in the lives of others. Transformation does indeed happen in the Twelve Step program. Seeing is believing. Have I seen change in my life and in the lives of those who surround me?
Meditations for the Heart
Am I willing to do the next right thing? It is easy to pay lip service to this question and say “yes,” but it is much harder to actually do this day in and day out. Over time I have become convinced that the only way to accomplish this is to have a strong spiritual foundation. This means believing in a divine principle, that God is in charge. I need to be willing to let my Higher Power run the show and trust that He has the knowledge and the love to lead me in the right direction. The other factor involved in this divine principle is the willingness to actually accept and follow this guidance. Most of the time it is easy to know what my Higher Power would want me to do. The hard part is then doing it. Obedience is not always easy; but I have found that when I do follow God’s directions, I am less likely to get lost. In the long run this divine principle is the easier, softer way. Do I seek after this divine principle in all that I do?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Sometimes it is not easy to follow Your directions. I find there are things that come up in my life, and I do not want to seek You out for guidance. Yet, time and time again, I see that following You is the easier, softer way in the long run. When I get stubborn or foolish, guide me back to this path. Keep me on the path of truth.

Amen.

January 10

Wisdom for Today
Over time I have watched one newcomer after another walk in through the doors of the program. Many of these individuals have tried desperately to control their use of alcohol or drugs and failed. Many have tried to quit on their own and failed. Still others have been in one treatment program after another and failed. Yet, those that completely give themselves to this simple program find a way to get clean and sober. This fact in and of itself is amazing.
But what really astound me are the remarkable changes I see these individuals go through. Each of them, just like myself, had severe problems with their personality. There were clearly major problems with my thinking, emotional responses, behavior and beliefs. My disease process had corrupted my personality. Through working the Steps, I have watched myself change, and I have watched one newcomer after another change. If you need proof that the Steps work, just hang around and watch what happens to people in the program who really work the Steps. This evidence not only convinces me that "it works if you work it," but it also shows me that there is a Higher Power at work in our lives. What has happened to others and me is not luck, but it is the grace of God. Am I convinced that a Higher Power can help me change my personality?
Meditations for the Heart
Learning to cooperate with God is not always easy. Sometimes I am convinced that I am my own worst enemy – particularly when it comes to my character defects. It just seems that I really like some of them too much. So how do you give up something that you like? Not an easy task! When I looked closely at my defects of character and personality flaws, I could see how these things were just as destructive as my drinking and using. I knew if I was ever going to change these aspects of who I was and how I behaved, I would need to cooperate with God. This cooperation begins with openly seeking and acknowledging the presence of a Higher Power in our lives. As I became more conscious of the presence of God in my life, it was not hard to find direction for the needed changes. But cooperation means more than just acknowledging God's presence; it also means surrender. Over and over I have surrendered to my Higher Power. The problem is that some of those character defects I take back. I let go, but then I take them back. Over time though I have found that I take these defects back less and less often. I just don't need them anymore. Have I become ready to have God remove my defects?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Over time You have convinced me that the program does work. More importantly, You have convinced me that You work for me and for others in the program. Today I know my faith is stronger because of what You have done for me in my life. Help me to stay on the course and continue to work each of the Steps as I walk through this life. Help me to develop and attitude of cooperation with You.
Amen.

January 11

Wisdom for Today
There was no doubt that I could not stop drinking and using drugs on my own. The same was true with my defects of character. My personality flaws were resistant to change. Even when I realized and accepted that these defects were just as destructive to me as my drinking and using, I continued to think, behave and emotionally respond to life in ways that hurt those around me or myself. Even when I tried to change, I continued to come back to my old behavior. My big mistake was thinking that I could change these things on my own.
In Step Six it clearly stated that God was the one who was to remove these defects of character, yet I persisted in trying to do this on my own. I guess, that in my stubborn way, I had to learn again that I was powerless. As my attempts to change myself repeatedly failed, I began to see that I could not rid myself of these defects of character. I began to understand my need for God’s help. I began to talk with my Higher Power and admit that I was not perfect. In these prayers I began to see that God was my only hope. I began to stop asking for perfection and simply told God that I was ready to get better. Slowly over time, my defects of character have either disappeared or diminished to the point of no longer being destructive. What has surprised me is the fact that my personality strengths have grown. I have learned new ways to cope with life. I don’t have to follow the old rules anymore. Do I let the old rules continue to run my life?
Meditations for the Heart
In becoming entirely ready to have God remove these defects, I was reborn of the Spirit. I do not mean that I was literally reborn, but I was given a new chance on how I lived my life. All those old rules that said I had to lie, cheat, be egotistical, fearful, etc. were challenged; and I began to see and live life differently. I began to know a new freedom and was shown new ways to cope with and behave differently in my life. I may never fully understand why I behaved the way that I once did, but I don’t have to. I can simply accept that this new way of living my life is better than the old way I lived. Making myself ready for change was not an easy or pleasant process, but accepting my own humanity and imperfection opened the door to a new life in and with the Spirit. Do I see the miracle of personality change that is possible in the Spirit?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today I can thank You for making me uncomfortable with my old ways of thinking, behaving and emotionally responding to life. You have given me a new chance to live life with new rules. Through Your Spirit I have been given new options and a new attitude. I am grateful for the chance to be better.
Amen.

January 12

Wisdom for Today
Anger and resentment seemed to be constant companions when I first got clean and sober. I don’t really know if I understood what I was so angry about. In working my way through the steps, I began to uncover some of the reasons for my anger and resentments. I really hated the fact that I was an alcoholic and an addict. I resented many of the consequences I had experienced and continued to have even though I was clean and sober. I resented some of the people in my life and how I had been treated. I was angry with myself for allowing some of these things to occur.
Step Six showed me that I needed to let go of these resentments. I read in program books about anger and resentment and how they were poison for the alcoholic/addict. But these things were not something that I could just forget or make go away. I needed to be shown how to rid myself of anger and resentment. My sponsor told me to begin to pray for the people who had wronged me. I talked at length with others in the program about how they rid themselves of their resentments. I learned more about forgiveness. These things did not just magically disappear; but over time, the longer I stayed clean and sober, I found that I no longer needed to hold onto these resentments. Do I still harbor resentments?
Meditations for the Heart
I needed to occupy myself with what God wanted me to do. His tasks for me in my recovery became more important than my own agenda. As I did this, I began to find peace of mind. My heart was no longer in an uproar. But if I was going to occupy myself with doing what God wanted me to do, I had to learn to let go of the things that got in the way. I had to stop trying to be both judge and jury and wanting to punish others who had hurt me. I had to stop convicting myself. I needed to let my Higher Power decide if others should experience punishment for their deeds. After all, this was His job and not mine. When I began to pray for others and began to practice forgiveness, I found that my resentments slipped away and were replaced with peace of mind. My heart was no longer filled with rage. Am I occupying myself with God’s tasks for me?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You know my heart and my mind better than I do myself. Search out my heart and mind, and help me to be rid of resentment. Bless those people who have wronged me. Grant me patience and understanding of others and myself. Grant that I may have a forgiving heart. Let me today be concerned only with Your agenda for me.
Amen.

January 13

Wisdom for Today
"Just do it!" was a slogan for a popular athletic shoe company, but I have found it helpful for me in my recovery. You see, recovery is a program that requires action. I had to stop being a couch potato and get up and start doing what I needed to do in recovery. Sometimes things that my sponsor told me or I would hear at a meeting seemed to have little connection to my goals in recovery. For instance, I told my sponsor that I wanted to begin working on my defects of character. I told him that I was having a hard time with grandiosity and arrogance. I asked, "How do I stop acting like a know-it-all when I really don't know anything?"
He responded, "I want you to take a long walk each morning and walk down unfamiliar streets." In my arrogance and confusion I said, "How's that going to help?" He looked at me and said two words, "Into action." I had no idea what he was talking about; all I knew was I had to just do it. So I did. So each morning I would take a long walk down unfamiliar streets. One morning I got lost and wasn't really sure where I was or even how to retrace my steps. I had been too busy trying to figure out how this was going to help me and what my sponsor was really up to. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. "Now what?" I thought. I stood there for a while not knowing what to do. Eventually, I had to ring a doorbell and ask for help. My trying to figure everything out on my own got me lost. Do I ask for help when I need it?
Meditations for the Heart
Later that week, I talked with my sponsor again. I told him about what had happened, and he said, "And what did you learn?" I had to admit I wasn't sure and jokingly said, "How to get lost." That's when he asked, "And how did that happen?" I sat quiet for a while and began to see that my trying to figure everything out actually gotten me lost. He said, "That's right, arrogance is blind." Still to this day I recall this discussion. I learned a lot that day. It wasn't up to me to have all the answers, and it wasn't up to me to know all the directions. I am glad I did follow my sponsor's instructions to take a walk, and today I am even glad I got lost. Do I have to have all the answers?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
So often in life I get lost, and I am surprised by my unwillingness to ask for help. I just stand there and do nothing. Again and again I have to surrender and admit that I need help. Thank You for letting me ring Your doorbell, and thank You for giving me instruction and direction in life. I will continue to walk the walk, but I know I need You as my guide. Walk with me today.
Amen.

January 14

Wisdom for Today
One thing that I found important along the way was to remember to thank God. In the selfishness of my addiction, I was so far removed from God that I had no relationship with Him at all. As I got clean and sober, I found myself still struggling with selfishness and self-centeredness. Just because I stopped drinking and using didn't mean that I instantly became grateful. I really had to stop and think about what was happening in my life. When I really stopped long enough to realize that nothing that was happening in my life was by my own doing, I finally started to experience gratitude.
It was not just God that I needed to thank; it was also everyone else who had been helping me. I began to seek out those people who would say something at a meeting that I could relate to and express my appreciation. I made a purpose of thanking my sponsor each time we talked. I began to even thank my family members for the support they offered. Most of all, I spent time each morning asking God for help and each evening thanking Him for another day of sobriety. Am I truly grateful for the gifts I receive in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
In recovery my vision changed. It was not just because my brain came out of the fog; it was because I started to experience a spiritual vision. I could not physically see God, but I could see His actions in my life and in the lives of other addicts and alcoholics. I began to envision myself walking hand-in-hand with my Higher Power on the road to recovery. I envisioned conversations with God along the way. As my spiritual consciousness improved, I began to see life more clearly. I could feel God's presence and His strength. I had been trapped in the prison of addiction; now I could see outside the box. Out there somewhere was my Higher Power, limitless in all of eternity. He was outside of the box, and now I was walking right beside Him. Do I walk with my Higher Power on the path of recovery?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
When I stop and think about all the good things that are happening in my life, I know that all this happens only through Your help. For all the gifts that You have given me along the way, I am grateful. Help me this day to keep my spiritual vision and see outside of the box. Let me walk hand-in-hand with You today.
Amen.

January 15

Wisdom for Today
In addressing my defects of character, I had to once again submit myself to the will of my Higher Power. Whether it was Dishonesty, Ego, Fear, Expectations, Carelessness, Trustlessness, or any other Self-centered behavior, I had to turn it over to God. I became willing to let go of my old ways and find out what my Higher Power's plans for me were. My old ways just didn't work any more. I knew they would simply lead me back to the insanity of addiction.
In turning this over to God, I would be given one lesson after another regarding character. I had to start by really learning to care for myself and others. I had been clean and sober for a while before this concept of really learning to care emerged into my consciousness. I had been going through the motions, trying to "fake it 'til I made it." One night I went to a meeting and a good friend of mine was not there. Something was wrong, he was always at my home group meeting. No one had heard anything from him in days. I learned later that night that he had died of an overdose. Once the shock wore off and I had time to talk with my sponsor, I looked back at all the opportunities I had to show my friend that I cared, but didn't. I know that this could not have prevented what had happened, but I also knew that I could not let these kind of opportunities pass me by again. Do I show others in the program that I care?
Meditations for the Heart
It was in the darkest of places that God rescued me from my disease. I know now that God would have crossed mountains or deserts to find me. I know He would have crawled through briar patches, broken glass, and even the fires of hell to reclaim me. I have learned that nothing can separate me from His love and care. I have learned that I need to join my Higher Power in this quest for those that are lost. In reaching out to others and letting them know I care, I have discovered that I am really helping myself. My carelessness disappears when I reach out to others. This does not mean that I am willing to put myself or my recovery at risk, but it does mean that I need to be willing to carry the message and I need to be willing to show others I care. Sometimes, this means offering someone a ride to a meeting or hanging out with someone after a meeting because they need to talk. Sometimes it means being willing to make a phone call and at other times it means helping someone laugh out loud. Am I willing to show others that I care?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today, help me to not focus on myself, but on the needs of others. Let me reach out and show someone that I care. Help me to not worry about being self-conscious and trust that You will guide me in my efforts to show others that I do care. I also want to thank you for finding me in that dark place I was and rescuing me from the insanity of my disease.
Amen

January 16

Wisdom for Today
In submitting my character defects to my Higher Power, I developed hope. I began to feel that my life no longer had to be lived by the old rules. This sense of hope was much like I had experienced when I first came into the program. When I first got clean and sober, I saw other people making it. I saw the old timers, who had longer-term recovery. When I listened to their stories, I began to feel, “If they can make it, so can I.” I began to see that they had managed to let go of the old rules and old behavior. I thought that I had a chance to do this also.
What I found out was letting go of my defects was much like letting go of alcohol and drugs, only harder. This was true probably because many of these attitudes, behaviors and beliefs had been with me much longer, and because some of them I simply enjoyed. But if I wanted to gain a true sense of character, then I would have to stop acting like a defect. I also needed to look for progress and not perfection. My defects of character did not simply disappear because I said a prayer; I had to put into action what my Higher Power wanted for me. Slowly, over time, my defects of character became less and less problematic. My hope that I could be rid of the old rules strengthened. Do I have a strong grasp on hope?
Meditations for the Heart
In God’s world there is perfect hope and perfect harmony. Yet in this physical world I have come to realize that I can never have perfect hope or perfect harmony with my Higher Power. Life in recovery is not so much about being better, but about becoming better. Sometimes I have felt that God has let me down. I have seen others in the program and myself want to blame our failures on God. “He let me down.” But the truth is that God does not fail. It is because we are not in harmony with our Higher Power that we fail. I have had to accept the fact that sometimes I fail. In these times I need to seek to get back into harmony with God. Back to basics, if I am to become better! I need to work to stay in harmony with my Higher Power. Am I working to stay in harmony with my Higher Power?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today is a new day, and again You have gifted me with a clean and sober start to my day. Help me this day to strive for harmony with You. Let me take one thing at a time as I walk through this day. Help me to become better in all that I do. Let me this day work at letting go of the old rules and live by Your new rules for my life.
Amen.

January 17

Wisdom for Today
One of the slogans you hear early on in the program is, "Easy does it." I needed this slogan alot in the beginning of my recovery, but had no idea how important it would become in addressing my character defects. As an addict and alcoholic I was used to doing everything in excess. I drank too much and got high too often. I built up a lot of resentments, worries, and confusion. My excess hurt me physically and mentally. My excess also had a lot to do with my defects.
Many of my defects were because I had taken things to an extreme. Fear is a healthy reaction when a threat is present. But when fear is taken to an extreme and it controls your every decision, fear becomes unhealthy. My fear became paranoia and controlled much of my life. Self-confidence is a good thing; but when it is exaggerated and becomes grandiosity and arrogance, it also becomes unhealthy. Being care free can be a good thing until it is taken to the extreme of carelessness. I needed to learn easy does it when it came to my defects. I had to work on them one at a time and not try to fix all of them at once. I had to slow down and think before I reacted. I had to stop and ask myself if my actions and behavior were appropriate in every situation. Have I learned to take it easy in addressing my defects?
Meditations for the Heart
I also learned that I had to "be" before I could "do". If I wanted to "be" a person of character, then I had to do the work of becoming honest, humble, trusting, and caring if I ever wanted to "do" things that showed I had good character. If I wanted to accomplish much, I had to be much. Who I was affected everything I did in life. If I wanted to "be" a good father, or "be" a good employee, then I had much I needed to change in who I was. Only then would I be able to "do" those things. If I was going to change who I was, I would need help. This is where my Higher Power would come in. In order to do the things that I valued, then I would need my Higher Power's help to "be" what He wanted me to "be." To become a new me was a lot of what needed to happen in my life. Have I asked God for help to "be" what He wants me to be?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Teach me this day to be who you want me to be. Let me take each moment and cherish what you give me. Help me to slow down and "easy does it" when I need to. Lead me through this day as I am given opportunity to change who I am.
Amen

January 18

Wisdom for Today
Sometimes you hear the same things over and over again at meetings. I often have wondered if I was learning anything new after awhile. Then, on the 963rd time I hear something, it clicks. It finally makes sense; it becomes something I can use. These are the moments of spiritual awakening. God seems to work much like this as well. He reveals to me over and over again, my defects of character. He shows me myself and helps me see how I turn my life over to dishonesty, ego, fear, expectations, rage, loneliness, and many other powers. I can let these powers take over my life and corrupt my will.
This is why we turn our will and our life over to His care. Left to our own devices, even clean and sober we can mess it all up. When our defects have been revealed to us enough times and they become painful enough, we ask God to remove them from our lives. We do not need to chase after the answers, God will bring them to us. In the Bible it says, "Be still, and know that I am God." It doesn't say run around like crazy and you will know God. Defects of character are resistant to change. Yet, if we are still, God will bring us the answers. Do I recognize when God brings me an answer?
Meditations for the Heart
Laughter is good medicine. One of the greatest blessings in recovery is the return of genuine laughter. Being able to laugh at ourselves and the insanity of our disease can bring healing to a troubled heart. When I slow down long enough to really think about some of the crazy things I did or that happened to me, I can't help but laugh about them now. At the time, some of these things were very painful or even stupid. Yet, as I have moved along in my recovery process, I have found that I can now laugh about these same events. One of the promises in the AA Big Book is that "we will not regret the past..." It is much nicer to get to a point when we can laugh at ourselves. Has laughter returned to my life?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today is a day that I know you again will teach me if I only open my mind and listen to your directions. Help me to do just that and to seek you out in all I do. Create in me a new perspective on life and help me to again laugh. Let me celebrate this day and all that is in it.
` Amen

January 19

Wisdom for Today
Lack of awareness was another one of my shortcomings. The reality was that I had little or no awareness of how my behavior affected other people. I had been so wrapped up in my own self-centeredness that I just could not see what was happening. It was not just how my behavior affected others that I was missing, but also self-awareness. I had no idea how I really felt. I knew I felt good when people were leaving me alone, and I felt bad when I was being hassled. But as for my emotions, I had no idea what made me happy. I had lost touch with sadness, fear, anger, shame and hurt feelings. Everything was either good or bad.
As I began to come out of the fog, I began to see things for the first time. Anger was probably the first emotion I got in touch with. I was angry I had to go to all those meetings. I was angry that I couldn’t do things my way. I was angry I had this disease. As my anger subsided, I got in touch with other emotions – fear, sadness and shame. I began to see how my behavior was affecting others. I began to realize more and more that I had to change if I was ever going to stay in recovery. As I started to put others into the equation of life, my self-centeredness began to slip away. With regular inventory of myself I began to gain better understanding of my emotional responses. I began to see how my thinking, attitudes and behaviors had a lot to do with how I felt. Am I becoming more aware of my actions, my emotions and myself?
Meditations for the Heart
In the program I began to see that those who reached out to me were able to help because they truly understood what I was going through. They had been through many of the same things I was going through. It was one addict or alcoholic helping another. It was their understanding that allowed them to help me. As I hung around the program longer, I began to see that this was also true of my Higher Power. God was able to help me, not just because He was more powerful than I was, but also because He understood. I am not saying that God is an addict or an alcoholic, but He certainly understands pain, fear, sadness, anger and all the other emotions I experience. God also understands joy, serenity and peace of mind. These are things that I had to learn about from God and others. Today awareness is not always easy, but it is real, and I know I can deal with it. Do I reach out to others because I understand them?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today is a new day, and I do not yet know what this day will bring. Regardless of what cards may be dealt to me this day, I will work to remain aware of my choices. Help me this day to remain aware of my thinking, attitudes and behaviors. Give me courage to deal with my emotions in a healthy way. Let me always be understanding of the needs of others.
Amen.

January 20

Wisdom for Today
When I was drinking and using drugs, I spent time telling stories about myself. I always was attempting to build myself up as “Mr. Wonderful.” I hung out with people who were in worse shape than I was so that I could feel I was better than others. But the reality of my life was that I was not better. In fact, these lies about myself were told because I knew deep down I had not amounted to anything. Many of these lies I told so often that I even started to believe them myself. In my denial I became more and more defensive. I could not admit to myself or anyone else that I actually felt like I was inferior to others.
In early recovery, I continued to have this inferiority complex. I would sit in meetings and plan out what I was going to say when it was my turn to speak. I wanted to sound like I knew what I was doing. This defect in my character was actually getting in the way of my recovery. It fed my dishonesty, and it built a wall between my Higher Power and myself. It was keeping me from benefiting from the program. It is hard to swallow our pride and admit that we don’t know what we are doing. It is hard to get honest and admit it is all a show. Yet God will reveal this defect again and again until we become ready to genuinely ask for help. Am I still hiding my true self from others?
Meditations for the Heart
God thinks about me all the time. If He were ever to stop thinking about me, I would cease to exist. In recovery I need to train myself to think about God and what His will for me is in all that I do. I know that there is no way that I will ever be able to keep God in my thoughts all the time, but fortunately God will not cease to exist if I stop thinking about Him. He is constant and unchanging. Yet if I am to grow, I need to practice this conscious contact with my Higher Power. Each time I focus on the spiritual aspects of my recovery, I grow. This is now my job description – to focus on the spiritual aspects of my recovery. This is what will bring meaning to my life and who I am. Am I growing in spiritual stature?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You more than anyone know the true me. You know the very workings of my heart. This day help me to be true to myself and true to You. I am convinced that in order to have true meaning in my life, I must continue to focus on You and what it is that You want for me.
Amen.

January 21

Wisdom for Today
Often times I am pleasantly surprised to hear from someone in the fellowship that something I said helped him or her. It is one sign that one of my past character defects has improved. There was a time when my selfishness and self-centeredness would not allow me to even care about others. I was so wrapped up in my disease and myself that I didn’t even bother to think of others and what I might do to be charitable.
Being charitable means that I genuinely want to help others. Sometimes, I reach out and offer what I can to help other addicts and alcoholics. Frequently I have no idea whether my help was of any benefit or not. This is not important, because even when it looks like I have failed, I know that a seed has been planted. God will determine what happens to that seed. What happens to the seed is not important; what is important is the fact that I have grown in my attempts to help others. I benefit from this. Still it is nice to hear from others, once in a while, that something I said or did helped them. Am I developing a charitable heart?
Meditations for the Heart
Early in recovery I had a very closed mind. My thinking was rigid, and I always seemed to want to be right. My mind and my thinking were both locked into a box. As I began to open my heart and mind up in the recovery process, I began to wonder what was outside of the box. My ways did not work. I needed to begin to think outside of the box in order to find the answers I needed. This thinking outside of the box helped me to see a Higher Intelligence in the universe. I did not have all the answers. None of the people in the program did either. But each of us in unison and harmony with a Higher Intelligence has found answers we could not have found on our own. Do I think outside of the box?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
One day at a time is how You help me to grow spiritually. Help me this day to use the rain you provide in my life for growth. Let me use the sunshine You provide to warm my heart. Help me to be of a charitable mind today. Let me seek Your Higher Intelligence.
Amen.

January 22

Wisdom for Today
I used to be a real show off, and I acted like a real know-it-all. I really tried to impress people a lot. I would show off and drink one shot after another to impress people. When I was using drugs, I would cut myself a bigger line than everybody else. I also would talk and talk about things I really didn't know much about but somehow would manage to lie my way through each story. I acted like a big shot and would buy other people drinks or turn people on so that they thought I was doing okay financially. I did all these things and more for two reasons. One was to bolster my own denial system; if I pretended hard enough, then even I might start to believe my own games. The other reason was to try and prove to others that I really amounted to something.
The reality was that I wasn't selling this game to anyone, not the people I tried to impress and certainly not myself. I was a loser and didn't fool anyone. Even in recovery I have a tendency to get a big ego. I spent time in early recovery trying to make myself look good to others. But it was still a game. This defect of character can be dangerous because I might get a big head and then even think I am smart enough or cool enough that I can drink or use again. Can I afford to get a swelled ego in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
Grasping that which is spiritual is not something you can do with your mind. God is beyond all our understanding. We can only grasp pieces of understanding with our mind. We cannot grasp an understanding of God with our hearts. He is beyond our emotional understanding; we can only try to make of Him what we want Him to be. In fact, the only understanding we can truly have comes through faith. It is God who helps us understand Who He is. My Higher Power reveals Himself to me. I do not need to go looking for Him. He comes to me in my prayer and meditation. He comes to me in and through other people. He comes to me through many of the things I read. I don't go looking for a Higher Power; God comes looking for me. All I have to do is let Him find me. Am I still trying to find a Higher Power; or have I decided to let God, as I understand Him, come looking for me?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I see You in the shadows of life and in the brightness of my days. You are all around me and always have been. It was I who was hiding, not You. Walk with me on my journey today. Help me to find and keep humility in my thoughts, words and deeds today. Teach me about Who You are, so that my simple understanding will grow along with my faith.
Amen.

January 23

Wisdom for Today
Sometimes, it seems that one thing after another goes wrong, even in recovery. It is at times like this when I am most likely to let my character defects come out to play. When things aren't going well and I seem to have lost my spiritual equilibrium, I seem to look to my old behaviors to cope with the situations. What I have learned is there is no problem I have currently that I can't make worse. Early in my recovery, it was times like this that I thought about drinking or using. After I figured out how to stay clean and sober, I could screw things up just as bad with my old behavior.
It is in these times, that it becomes especially important for me to rely on my Higher Power. When I rely on my own power I quickly get into old and unhealthy thinking. I am capable of making poor choices and react to life rather than respond to things in a healthy manner. I have come to accept that I will never get this perfectly right. I just want to make progress. I cannot do this on my own. So when things get rough, I stop, and I ask for help. My way doesn't work. I know and trust that my Higher Power's way will work better. Do I ask for help when I need too?
Meditations for the Heart
Sometimes the road to recovery seems long and hard. I need to rest along the way and know God will give me the rest I need. The problem is that I have a hard time getting back up to continue my journey. I remember hearing someone say at a meeting one time, "If I have one more growth experience, I am going to kill myself." I know just how that person was feeling. Particularly in dealing with character defects, the road seems long. I still think like an addict sometimes and want immediate gratification. Yet, I know the easier, quicker way does not provide lasting results. I know I have to get back up and continue on the path that my Higher Power sets before me. When God says it is time to continue the journey, do I want to procrastinate?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I know that recovery is not always easy. In fact, sometimes it seems downright difficult. It is in these times that I need You most. Lead me onward, give me rest when I need it, and inspire me to get back up and continue the journey when You want me to. Help me to understand that even in the difficult days I sometimes face, You are always with me.
Amen

January 24

Wisdom for Today
We are fortunate to live in a day and age when alcoholism and drug addiction is recognized as an illness. It was not always like this. Addicts and alcoholics used to be looked at with ridicule and shamed for having a disease. It probably will never be a perfect world for us, and we still have many battles to fight, so that those who need help can get it. But, the alcoholic and addict sure have a much better shot at recovery now than in years gone by.
None of this would have been possible, if it were not for a few individuals who got together and decided to help each other. The genius of the program is that these people actually took the time to write it down and pass it on to others. Because of what these individuals did, I have a shot at recovery. I know that I could not have done it on my own. The founders of the program were not attempting to help to start a movement; they just wanted to find a way out of the insanity. Am I grateful for what these individuals have done for me?
Meditations for the Heart
“It works if you work it.” That’s right; it takes work. If we are to recover, we must put effort into it. The good news is that God will bless our efforts. This does not always happen in the way in which we would expect it to happen. It also does not always happen as quickly as we might want it to. But I am convinced that it does happen. Recovery is not about sitting back and waiting for a miracle. It takes work. God directs our efforts; sometimes it seems that He directs us against the flow. It seems like we are attempting to paddle upstream. Yet, at each stop along our journey, we are given rest and we are blessed for our efforts. Effort and blessing is an important part of spiritual harmony. They exist together. Am I putting effort into the work of recovery?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I am truly blessed by You. This day I remember in gratitude all the addicts and alcoholics that have gone before me to blaze a trail. Give me strength for this day that I may do the work of recovery. Give me courage so that I may follow Your lead. Help me this day to remember to pray for those who still need to find this program.
Amen

January 25

Wisdom for Today
I used to say that I was grateful that I found the program. But as my concept and understanding of my Higher Power has changed and grown, I now say that I am glad that the program found me. Yes, I was the one who walked through the doors for the first time, but I have watched others walk through the door only to turn around and not come back. Why is it that I stayed and they left? What was it about the words I heard that kept me coming back?
When you stop and think about it, most alcoholics and addicts never get help. They either end up going crazy, locked-up or dead. Why is it that I was given a chance at recovery? Why is it that my faith in a Higher Power was renewed? Why is it that I have been able to find happiness and contentment and others do not? Many of these questions I will never be able to answer fully. But I have come to believe that my recovery has had more to do with the program finding me than my finding the program? Am I grateful to have been found?
Meditations for the Heart
Sometimes I get so hurried in life that I lose track of what is important. God can work better in me if I just slow down. If I slow down and quietly move from one task to the next taking time to pray in between, I find that I actually get more things done. I know this sounds contradictory, but it is one of the paradoxes of recovery and life itself. If I venture often into the realm of the Spirit, I am given new strength and guidance. I find that I don’t complicate things, and I get more done. All work that I do while resting in God’s arms is good. Am I finding that I can do many things through my Higher Power?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I am only now beginning to understand Your grace. The song, Amazing Grace, says, “I once was lost but now am found.” These words really do make sense to me now. I am glad and am humbled by what I see happen in my life and the lives of all who are found in the program. Help me this day to slow down and venture often into the realm of Your Spirit. Give me the strength for this new day.
Amen.

January 26

Wisdom for Today
There is an old Rolling Stone's song, "I can't get no – satisfaction." I used to feel this way all the time when I was using. I never could get enough. Even in early recovery, when people would ask me what my drug of choice was, I would respond by saying, "MORE!" The truth was that nothing seemed to bring me satisfaction. My drinking and drug use stopped bringing me pleasure long before I stopped using. Even being clean and sober didn't seem like it was enough. Something was definitely missing.
I came to discover, like many people who have stayed clean and sober, that abstinence is not enough. There is a whole lot more to recovery than simply stopping the use. The Twelve Step program teaches us a new way of living. We begin with developing skills to stay out of harm's way. We then find that we need to grow spiritually. We take a good look at ourselves and make changes that are needed in how we perceive the world and how we behave in it. We rebuild our lives and fix what is broken, particularly our relationship with others. We continue to do regular checks on our functioning. We seek to know God, and we carry the message. We become new people. Am I finding satisfaction in my life now?
Meditations for the Heart
The heart is a crazy, mixed up part of who we are. Our emotions, our desires and our will all reside deep within our heart. In addiction the wiring of the heart gets short-circuited and continues to give us grief. The reality is that we cannot go back and rewire our will, our emotions and desires. This is the part of who we are that can get us in the most trouble. In the program there is a slogan that says, "Think, Think, Think." But the question is what are we supposed to think. Only the mind is capable of grasping wisdom. Our mind must seek out wisdom when our hearts are troubling us. A question I have learned to ask myself, "Is it wise?" The words of the Serenity Prayer talk about the wisdom to know the difference. It is wise for me to seek out my Higher Power's will for me. It is wise to do those things that are physically, mentally and spiritually healthy for me. Do I seek out wisdom in all that I do?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
It is You that ultimately brings me any satisfaction that I have in my life. Teach me to be wise in all that I do. Let me seek out that which is healthy for me. Help me to recognize when my heart gets out of control and seek to do Your will and not mine. Guide me on this pathway of recovery, and lead me to the place of true satisfaction in my life.
Amen.

January 27

Wisdom for Today
One of the most important aspects of using the program effectively is to establish a home group. I found that when I consistently went to the same meeting, I began to form relationships with the members of that group. As these relationships formed, my loyalty to the group and its member s grew. I began to feel like if I drank or used, I would not only be letting myself down, but I also would be letting down my group. When I was active in my addiction, I wasn't loyal to anyone. There was no loyalty to my family, my job, my friends and most of all to myself.
In recovery I discovered a group of people that were loyal to each other. They were willing to help each other and were willing to help me. As they got to know me, they were able to provide me with very helpful feedback. They helped me challenge my unrealistic expectations. They were able to help me find new ways to cope with life on life's terms. As I stayed with my home group, I also began to tell others what I thought about what was going on in their lives. I gained not only their loyalty but also their friendship. Am I loyal to my home group?
Meditations for the Heart
It really seemed that I was living in a state of constant agitation when I was drinking and using drugs. I was agitated because I needed to get high or because I was coming off a real bender. Even during the brief periods of time when I was controlling my use, I still was agitated. In recovery I was encouraged to learn the importance of staying calm. If I am calm on the inside, I am not as likely to rush into things. I am more patient. I am more likely to seek out guidance from my Higher Power. I did not know how to be calm on the inside. In fact, the only way I knew how to do this was with alcohol or drugs. Here my home group and sponsor really helped me. They told me the only way to find that inner calmness was to trust in God. Only when I trust God am I able to find the serenity to deal with life in a healthy way. Have I found the inner calmness I need in recovery?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Thank You for the people in my home group that have always remained loyal. They have stood by me when I needed it most. It also feels good to know that they now lean on me. This trust was not something I expected. I value these friendships. I also thank You for the gift of inner calmness that You provide to me. Life suddenly seems less hard and less crazy. Walk with me this day as I continue my journey in recovery.
Amen.

January 28

Wisdom for Today
A slogan you will hear at meetings is, "Stick with the winners." Winners are the people you can depend on because they are loyal to the group. You don't have to worry about the winners because they are actively involved, working the steps and serving others. Winners come to meetings regularly and demonstrate through their involvement that they are willing to go to any length. Some are very outgoing, and others are quieter, but regardless of their personality they have a strong spiritual base to their recovery.
Sticking with the winners has been a great help to me in my own recovery. I was encouraged to come to meetings early and was invited out after meetings. It has amazed me how much I learned about recovery in these informal get-togethers. Winners can give you practical advise on dealing with life in recovery. By hanging out with the winners long enough, they teach you to become a winner. Am I becoming a winner in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
When there is fellowship with the winners in recovery, there is also fellowship with the Divine Spirit. God is always there when addicts and alcoholics gather together to practice the principles of the program. In all human relationships it is God who brings us together and unites us in a way to have an impact on and facilitate change in each other. I have been surprised sometimes at the words that come out of my mouth at a meeting or when I am meeting with others in the program. I know these aren't my words as much as the words of the Divine Spirit coming out of my mouth. The Spirit guides, leads and provides opportunities for change in and through these relationships. No human relationship can be entirely right without the presence of the Divine Spirit of God. It is His gift to us. Can I accept that the Spirit is at work in my life in and through others in the program?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today let me be a channel of Your Divine Spirit in my interactions with others. Help me to recognize that Your Spirit works in and through others. Help me to use the guidance I receive from these people for good. Lead me to the changes You want me to make, so that I too may be a winner in this program of recovery.
Amen.

January 29

Wisdom for Today
When I came into the program, I needed more than just a way out of the insanity of addiction. I needed other people. I needed the fellowship. I needed to talk to others about the things that were bugging me and to get help in dealing with the troubles I faced. I needed the strength I found in other people to deal with life. I needed a place to go to help me deal with all my anxiety and excess energy. I needed support and encouragement. I needed help to understand what had happened to me and what I needed to do to change.
There was no way I could give these things to myself. If I had to depend on myself, I know I would have just kept running from life. I needed the people who were making it to help me. What I got was all of this and a whole lot more. At first I needed help from these people every day just to make it from the beginning to end of each day. But over time I was given tools to use to help me stay clean and sober. I didn't choose to become an alcoholic or a drug addict, but I did need to choose to take responsibility for my recovery. Am I grateful for all the help I have received from those in the program?
Meditations for the Heart
One of the most phenomenal changes that occurred in my life of recovery was the removal of doubt. When I look back at my early days in recovery, I was constantly filled with doubt. I doubted that I would be able to stay clean and sober. I doubted that I would ever be able to have fun or enjoy life again. I doubted that the program could work for me. I even doubted that I was worth it. But doubt was replaced with something called faith. This faith started out as a small seed that was planted when at the end of my very first meeting people stood in a circle, prayed and then shouted, "It works, if you work it." Then the gentleman standing next to me turned and looked me right in the eye and said, "It worked for me, and it can work for you." I don't think I believed a word he said, but I soon had several days of clean time under my belt. This became weeks, months and years. That seed was cared for by those people in recovery who were willing to help me until I could begin to help myself. This seed of faith was a gift from my Higher Power, and today has become a strong tree with deep roots. Am I still filled with doubts?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I remember a time when I was filled with doubt and fear. You have given me the precious gift of faith. Through Your help and the help of others in the program my faith has grown. Let me continue to feed this faith by being responsible for my recovery. Today let me be willing to give back to the newcomers and help them find what I have found.
Amen.

January 30

Wisdom for Today
When I was active in my addiction, I had no self-discipline. Self-control was out of the question. Selfishness and self-centeredness ruled my thinking, behavior and values. In recovery I needed to learn self-discipline. This meant no longer reacting to my emotions, desires or will. It meant that I had to learn to proceed through life, not with my own wisdom, but with the wisdom of others and the wisdom of my Higher Power. Meetings provided me with a place to meet others who certainly knew more about recovery than I did. I needed to seek out their wisdom. It was through the program and the grace of God that I learned the self-discipline of abstinence.
Even later in recovery, I discovered that it was important to use self-discipline to give up some of my unhealthy behaviors and character defects. I had a tendency to self-sabotage and ruin what was good in my life. I had to corrupt any real success I had. Again I had to turn to the practice of self-discipline. My will only hurt me. I needed again and again to turn to others in the program and to God to find wisdom to deal with life and receive the encouragement I needed to do the next right thing, or at least do the next thing right. Do I practice self-discipline and seek wisdom from others?
Meditations for the Heart
I needed a guide to help me figure out how to have healthy relationships with other people. Learning how to get along with others and how to be genuine in my relationships was something that I needed to relearn. I knew how to interact with others, but I had no idea how to do this with my mask off. How do I allow myself to be vulnerable and real with others? I was afraid to let people in and afraid to share the real me. What would happen if others could see the blanket of shame I wore on the inside? Continuing to hide behind the mask would not work anymore. I believe this is a part of the reason that sponsorship is encouraged. I found someone who I could risk letting into my world to see the real me. My sponsor was not only my guide, but he also became my friend. He was a friend who would tell me the truth, a friend who would share his wisdom with me. Am I learning how to have a healthy relationship with others?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
My heart is so undisciplined and reactive. My will, my emotions and my desire only seem to get me into trouble. Help me this day to seek out wisdom from others and learn self-discipline. Guide me to others with whom I can have healthy relationships.
Amen.

January 31

Wisdom for Today
“Humbly asked,” are the first two words of Step Seven. This step begins this way because we recognize that we cannot accomplish this task on our own or by our own willpower. Those defects of character that have become so much a part of our personality become ingrained into our behavior. It becomes instinctive to choose these unhealthy options first, particularly when under stress. We ask for help because we cannot change these behaviors on our own. We are humbled by the fact that it is only with the help of our Higher Power that these shortcomings can be removed.
God can and will remove our shortcomings if we are humble and seek to do His will. When we stop long enough to seek His will for us, we no longer react to life instinctively. We respond wisely. We do not seek to find an easier, softer way. We seek to find His way. None of us in recovery are able to do this perfectly, but over time we can see these problems become smaller and smaller in our lives. We find that God gives us new skills for dealing with life’s problems. We look back and see that the promises of the program are beginning to come true for us in all that we do. Am I ready to stand humbly before God and ask for His help?
Meditations for the Heart
We can never know all that go into the making of a personality. We are quite complex creatures. Each of us has our own set of circumstances that molds who and what we are. We all have our own unique set of motivations. Each of us is influenced by such a different set of triumphs and sufferings. No one can know all the things that influence who we are. Because we cannot know everything that goes into making us who we are, or what makes up another individual, we must be cautious in passing judgment on others and ourselves. Too often I have judged others and myself harshly without having anyway to fully understand what caused the individual to behave as they did. Only God can truly know whom we are, and only He is qualified to judge what He sees. Passing judgment leads one to develop anger, mistrust and resentment. We need to leave it to God to unravel the complexities of who we are. Do I believe that God can teach me to behave differently?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
This day I come to You with an understanding that I do not know why I do what I do. Only bits and pieces of my behavior can be understood, and much of what I do makes little sense to me. Help me to seek to do Your will in all that I do this day. Lead me to the changes that You want for me and to become the person that You want. Let me be rid of my old self and find the new me that You want me to be.
Amen.