This is part of the study I did on the steps and shared on the site a few years ago. So much about my life, is about changing my attitude. When things seem out of whack, I need to remember the slogan, "Let it begin with me!" It isn't about other people, it is about me and my recovery.

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Just for today, I will tell myself that I am worthy of recovery. It doesn't matter that I am old. I don't look bad for an old broad. I lost weight, but more importantly, I lost inches. I saw a lady on the bus who made me grateful. Even on my fat days, I wasn't as big as her, and yet, it is important to identify not compare. I still have an issue that I need to apply the program to, one day at a time.

Just for today, I will appreciate the gifts of recovery. One of the greatest gifts for me was the freedom from active addiction. They are too numerous to mention and as it says in the Big Book, we will be amazed before we are half way through working the Steps. The Promises gave me hope even though I was in complete denial. I just didn't want to go back to where I came from, and alcohol was a part of that life style. Tradition Three gave me the right to attend meetings, I did have an honest desire not to drink, even though I didn't think I was an alcoholic. I realized that I used other things like work, food, pills, relationships, and men, and more men.... Looking for attention, acceptance, and love in all the wrong places, and the program gave me the freedom to be me and to change, one step at a time.

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Just for today, I am grateful that I can start my day over any time. I can pause, give thanks, ask for direction, and start my day anew with a better outlook on the day. Some days I jump up and don't do meditation right away, especially if I have to run out for an appointment and I don't get much sleep the night before. I often find myself standing at the elevator door and saying the Serenity Prayer. When I get home, I generally end up going to bed, and when I wake up, and do a much bigger talk with my God.

My day started 5 hours ago.

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Just for today, I will be responsible. I will do what I need to do for myself. Just because I don't 'feel' like it, doesn't always work. I know I shouldn't be hard on myself, but I shouldn't spoil myself rotten either. There are gray areas, but I need to look at whether they came from the dark, or whether they came from the white side, and what do I need to do to bring them to the light. As it says in AA literature, "Bring it out of the dark so the light of reason can shine.

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Just for today, I will pray and ask for my personal truth and what I need for me. What is good for someone else, just may not work for me. I know that in early recovery, many people were not willing to do what I did to stay sober. I went to meetings, meetings, meetings and when I got tired of meetings I went to more meetings. That is why I miss getting out in today. I am glad that I have all those deposits made on my life insurance so that I can draw on them in today. I have reaped a lot of dividends as a result of the people my God put in my path.

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Rejection

I had a lot of rejection in my life, but the sadest part was the fact that I rejected myself and lived mylife through others. I had all these built up emotions, and when I quit smoking at 7 years sober, I had a whole set of feelings that I hadn't felt before because the cigarettes, helped to stuff them. I found anger, resentment, rejection, sadness, hurt, abandonment, and a whole list of things that I had to do another 4th Step on. As they say, you have to feel them before you can let them go. I had to give myself permission to hurt and become vulnerable. Because of the abuse in my life, I had a lot of issues to deal with. As I have stated on the board, I was 15 years sober when I went to sexual assault counselling. We deal with things when we are able. I had shut down at an early age and you can't change or heal anything, if you don't acknowledge that it is there.

Trust/Suspicious

Try to trust the process, unfortunately others don't always seem to be on my timetable. I know what you mean. I tried turning my thinking, especially my impatience over to my Higher Power. I am lucky though, I have my walker and can sit in line instead of having to stand. The other day I brought my book, but just sat and enjoyed the sunshine while waiting for the bus. I had just missed one and knew that I had 20 minutes to wait. I tried to remember to put some gratitude in my attitude, it was rush hour or I would have had to wait 30 minutes. :)

It isn't all about me, whether I am sick or in a hurry. The world goes around without me and I just try to keep up and do what I can to play my part. I just wish that everyone thought the way I did, but it isn't going to happen. If everyone would just try to make their space the best that it can be in today, what a wonderful world this would be.

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Just for today, I am grateful. When you think you have things tough, you see someone who is much worse off than you. My sister looked terrible. They are still trying to find some balance and get her body regulated and her medication stabalized.

I can walk around and watch TV. She is tied to the bed, with oxygen and many tubes attached to her. I must remember that I never had it so good. I am walking, breathing, and able to talk, all of which she is unable to do in the moment.

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Just for today, I will welcome and embrace change. As the slogan says, "This too shall pass." For me, that means the good times and the not so good times. Just as music and fashion changes, we too change over the years. We develop new outlooks and have new awareness and growth within ourselves.

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Humor/Humorless

A world without out humor is very sick indeed. I had to pray and ask for mine to be healed when I came into recovery because it had become very sarky.

It was a great gift to be able to laugh at myself. I find humor in a lot of things, while others don't always see things my way.

Sometimes laughter can be a great mask. I dated a guy for a while who was Mr. Smiley and the laughter was canned and he was a hurting unit.

I agree, better to laugh than cry. It took me a long time to allow myself to cry. I had to give myself permission to do so as my first husband told me that I used my tears as a women. He threatened me, so I quit crying. That was 50 years ago, and it took a long time in recovery to allow them to flow freely. There have been times when I have done healing meditations and the tears have just run down my face. Not sure the cause at the time, just a healing taking place from past hurts. Things that I never grieved or things that I didn't allow myself to heal, or things I was incapable of letting go of the pain.

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Today, I was a bit defensive, I walked home because my walker was too heavy to list on the bus. Some drivers don't want to put down the small front ramp and have been told I shouldn't put so much on my walker if I can't lift it. When you buy meat, two containers of juice, butter, etc. it all adds up to heavy. I had 5 bags tied to my walker with a bungee cord. It was quite hot out, 29 deg. C, which is 85 deg. F and it is heavy drudging when it is uphill. I was coming through Hess Village and a lady said, "Would you like to stop and rest in our shade. I said, "No thank you." I didn't tell her it was too noisey because people were started to celebrate their weekend and with Fibromyalgia, I am very sensitive to noise, especially when I am tired. Happy now I can relax now that I am home.

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ORGANIZED/DISORGANIZED

Glad some people are organized, it isn't something I do well. I am more a fly by the seat of my pants kind of person. God with the flow, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, so be it! I was told many years ago, if it is meant to be, it WILL happen, inspite of me. That doesn't mean I don't have to set my alarm clock, I do, unfortunately, it is only when I remember to. I didn't set the alarm to go to Al-Anon yesterday, but woke in time to go. I set the alarm to go to AA today, because with no sleep, I knew I wouldn't wake up in time to get there as it is in the opposite end of the city from me.

Smiling, seldom figure out what I am wearing the night before as I am sure to change my mind. Nine times out of ten, I will have a fat day and couldn't possibly be seen wearing something that reveals too many place better left covered up.

Don't know where that all came from today. A guy at my group said, "Gee, I wonder where I should sit. We sit in an oval row around the room. I said, "How about your arse?" He said, "Boy you are in great form today." I surprised myself, him too most likely, although I have known the guy for years, but never really talked to him too much, certainly not on that familiar kind of way.

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Anger/Self-control

Don't like the word Self Control, control is an illusion. When I think I am able to do by myself, I am in trouble, and it easy for my disease to come to the surface and my emotions to get out of control.

I can't, my God can, and just for today, I choose to turn them over to Him and ask for help. I need to pick up the tools of recovery, talk to my sponsor, a spiritual adviser, a good close friend that I trust. Any time I put Self into the equation, I am generally acting out in my dis-ease.

Anger is a danger if I don't 'deal' with it in a healthy way. It is a legitimate feeling, just a danger to my sobriety if I feed it instead of acknowledging it, which diffuses it and takes away it's power.

I think it should have read "Anger/Serenity."

Emotions make themselves known physically, and I need to remember that anger is one of the biggest threats to my emotional sobriety. I was told that sobriety meant "Soundness of Mind." I don't have that when I am angry.


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Self-Importance/Humility

Love this chip and the previous shares. I like out you write G-d graced. It reminds me that my God can be all things, and He is as He reveals Himself to me in today.

Prior to recovery, it was "I am a leading authority on anything, just ask me." Heaven forbid that I didn't know, and I would go all out to find an answer. As the song say, "Oh Lord it is hard to be humble when you are perfect in every way." What an illusion!!!

In recovery, I learned the humility didn't mean humiliation. Humility, to become teachable and admitting that I didn't know it all and open to other people's experience, strength, and hope.

When things come up, especially stuff that goes back to my past, it is important to work Steps 4-9 to deal with my part. Humbly ask Him to remove my shortcomings. Looking to find a way to change the things that stands between me and who my God would have me be. Just putting a plug in the jug or popping a pill, isn't sobriety. It was important not to continue acting out in my disease.

We can do what I can't do for myself. My way didn't work.

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