March 15

I believe that everyone needs a mentor.
--Harry Bartholomew

We have all had mentors - many of them, in fact. We might not have labeled them as such, but throughout our lives we have been picking up ideas and mannerisms from many people. From some, we sought to learn specific skills, perhaps on the job or while in school. A few inadvertently became our mentors simply because of our proximity to them. Along the way, we may have chosen some mentors impulsively and to our detriment. The process of mentoring is how most of us learn, ultimately. Have we forgotten that we, too, have served as mentors for many others who have shared our journey?

We obviously are not through living yet. Thus we are not through mentoring either. Every encounter we have with someone is mentoring in action. One moment we're on the learning end; the next, perhaps we're acting as teacher. Mentoring has always been a two-way street.

We have never been able to control another's mentoring, but we have always been free to choose or refuse to follow his or her example. What we can control, and this has always been true, is the content of our own mentoring. Are we satisfied that we've done our best?

Today I'll remember that my role as mentor isn't over yet.

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

March 16

We are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth.
--George Bernard Shaw

In order to get well, we have to admit that we alone are powerless over our disease. We need other people to help us.

This is hard for us to do. We aren't used to needing anyone or asking for help. We all pushed people away.

We know now that our way never worked, and that we need help. There will always be someone who will help lead us along the path toward the health and serenity we want. But to ask for this help takes both courage and humility. We gain support from this risk, and also new strength, fellowship, and wisdom. Each time we take the chance to ask for help, we are exercising control over our lives.

Today let me remember I am not alone by asking another for something I need.

You are reading from the book:

Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

March 17

Our teachers surround us.

When we were young, our parents and siblings served as our teachers, but they weren't always good ones. We may have learned habits that haunt us still. Shame and guilt may still trouble us because of the messages our parents and siblings gave us. We can't undo the past teachings, but we can come to believe those teachers did their best. They passed on to us what they had been taught. Fortunately, the Twelve Step program can help us discard behaviors that serve us no more and cultivate ones that do.

We're students of life and we'll encounter many teachers. From some, we will learn patience; from others, tolerance and acceptance. A few will make us laugh. All will change us in some way. We may be apt to pass judgment on the interactions we have with others, but those with more wisdom than ourselves remind us that we can learn. In fact, we are privileged to learn something of value in absolutely every interaction. Our teachers are all around us.

I will accept that every person is my teacher today. I may be in for many surprising lessons!

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

March 19

Moving Forward

Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well.

Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow, even though the people we love are not ready to change. We may even need to leave people behind in their dysfunction or suffering because we cannot recover for them. We don't need to suffer with them.

It doesn't help.

It doesn't help for us to stay stuck just because someone we love is stuck. The potential for helping others is far greater when we detach, work on ourselves, and stop trying to force others to change with us.

Changing ourselves, allowing ourselves to grow while others seek their own path, is how we have the most beneficial impact on people we love. We're accountable for ourselves. They're accountable for themselves. We let them go, and let ourselves grow.

Today, I will affirm that it is my right to grow and change, even though someone I love may not be growing and changing alongside me.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

March 20

Communicating
...armed to deal with whatever comes

One couple never told each other anything negative if they could avoid it. They always protected each other from bad news. Their neighbors, however, were not that careful about what they said. They had a positive attitude but they believed that reality was not to be shaped or measured in their words, so they just laid it on the line with each other.

The first couple seemed more sedate and calm while their neighbors seemed more in turmoil. But over time the first couple's protective attitude worked like a wedge that drove quiet distance between them as more and more unresolved issues were ignored or sugar-coated. The second couple always clearly knew what was going on. They did not have to wonder what the truth was behind each other's words, and they dealt with issues as they arose. Time brought them more deeply into the lively embrace of their trusting relationship.

Bad news is part of life, just as good news is. When we engage life we do not shy away from problems; we do our loved ones the favor of speaking the truth. Then our relationships are armed to deal with whatever comes.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

March 21

At first, I resented it when my friends in the program told me to be God or let God.
-- Myrna K.

Who consciously decided to play God? Not me. Not you. But many of us have a terrible time letting God run the world. No matter how much we resolve not to, we take responsibility for things we can't control. That's what playing God is, and that's what a lot of us have practiced for a long, long time. Playing God is not only hard work, it's also a good way to ruin relationships. People just don't like to be around would-be mortal "gods" whose clay feet are all too visible. Our good intentions don't make people feel less defensive about us.

Letting go isn't easy. Especially if we confuse letting go with not caring. Of course we care. But that does not and must not mean we are responsible. Can we care enough to let others make their own mistakes, earn their own victories, and take responsibility for their own lives? Not to do so, no matter how we may feel about it, breeds dependency in both them and us.

We must care enough to let them be.

Today, I will be aware that "doing for" someone else is also "doing to" him or her.

You are reading from the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

March 22

When we do for other people what they should do for themselves, we both stay stuck.

Perhaps it's human nature to grow and change only when we have to. Unrelenting pain can serve as a motivator. Sometimes ultimatums are effective too. But making excuses for others or taking over their responsibilities, even when it's for their benefit, never inspires change. We're learning that the only change we can be certain of is one we make in ourselves.

One of the first changes we can make is to let go of others: their opinions, their behavior, and their responsibilities. Our need for them to fulfill our expectations is related to our insecurity, not theirs. Every time we preach or take on others' duties, we must recognize that we are preventing much-needed growth, ours and theirs.

Our intentions might always have been good. But the time has come to let others live their own lives. It's quite enough to take care of ourselves.

I will not do someone else's task today. Growth comes from each of us being responsible for ourselves.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

March 23

I want somehow to tell the story of how the dispossessed become possessed of their own history without losing sight, without forgetting the meaning or the nature of their journey.
-Sherley Anne Williams

To use the past without being controlled by it — that is our responsibility to history. Because the past is irrecoverably vanished, it's sometimes tempting to forget it or to falsify it. But being true to ourselves means being true to our history.

Past cruelties can remain powerful in our lives — yet to take possession of our history means to free ourselves of bondage to past events. Nothing can ever change them. If we are to make the future good, we'll learn what the past can teach us. But our freedom requires us to make choices based on the needs of the present, not the past.

I can act at every moment in such a way as to honor the past and enhance the future.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

March 24

I feel best about having helped others believe in themselves.
--Bud Sherman

Encouragement is one of the greatest gifts we can give one another. Chances are we can all remember someone who encouraged us many years ago. Perhaps a teacher or an employer took a special interest in us, and we have never forgotten that person. It's likely we are remembered in much the same way by someone else, too. It's nice to savor these memories, isn't it?

There is nothing stopping us from continuing to make memories for others. We will experience people and situations today that will benefit if we pass on encouragement and praise. We will benefit as well. It feels good to acknowledge another's contributions to the world. It strengthens our own willingness to contribute.

No conversation is without purpose. Even those exchanges that seem meaningless offer us opportunities for bettering someone else's opinion of themselves. What greater offerings have we to make than to be loving and helpful to someone traveling this path with us? If we haven't given much attention to this part of our assignment before, let's begin now. The homework will make all of us feel much better.

A few words of encouragement to another is all that's asked of me today. I can handle that.

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

March 25

Why go to meetings?

The first time we hear that Al-Anon is not about getting people clean and sober, we question the point of going. But what we soon learn is that the program is for us, not for the addict or alcoholic. We learn that we deserve peace.

We'll think with greater clarity because Step One will help us give up our obsession with the alcoholic. From Steps Two and Three we'll develop a trust in a Higher Power and thus give up our fear. We'll finally give up a burden we've carried far too long when we come to believe it's not our job to get anyone sober. Our job is to find happiness and offer love to others. Nothing can better us more than this.

Time spent at meetings is never wasted. My happiness will be strengthened each time I use some part of the program.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

March 26

Fall in love with life

I was sitting in the chair at the beauty shop getting my hair cut one day and listening to my beautician chatter away. She showed me a picture of one of her friends, a woman who had gotten married and recently had a baby girl.

"She's been so in love since that child was born," she said, showing me a picture of the new mother's smiling face.

"In love with her husband?" I asked.

"No," she said. "Well, that, too. I mean in love with life."

Have you ever been in love, had your heart beat fast when you anticipated the call of your lover, felt the way the sun felt warmer on your face, the sky appeared bluer, the clouds more fluffy, and the sunset more grand?

What if you could fall in love with your life and feel that way each day? I'm not saying romantic relationships are bad. They're not. They're part of being human and getting our needs met. But what if we could take all that passion and focus it into falling in love with life?

Maybe that is what is meant by universal love. Maybe that's the part we give back.

Fall in love with your life today.

God, help me feel passionate about my life and all the possibilities that stretch out before me.

You are reading from the book:

More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

March 27

The more I learn of others' problems, the more my own problems automatically dissolve.
--Tarthang Tulku Rinpoche

Newcomer

The second part of Step Eight says, "became willing to make amends to them all." I have to admit that this is a lot harder for me than simply recognizing that I've caused harm. I don't know if I'm ready to talk to certain people.

Sponsor

The willingness to make amends to everyone we've harmed, even those who may have harmed us, is something that we don't have to force or strive for. We become willing as part of yet another gradual process in recovery. We have begun to recognize that everything is interrelated, that whatever we've done to others, we've also done in some measure to ourselves. This is true not only of any harm that we've done, but also of the compassion that we've begun to feel. As we come to understand the impact of addiction on our lives, as we release our secrets and are met with gentleness and understanding, as we participate in the healing laughter at meetings, we replace old feelings of shame with compassion. Our new capacity to feel compassion for ourselves restores and revitalizes our understanding and care for others.

We become willing to make amends when we realize that in doing so, we are healing ourselves.

Today, I cultivate openness and compassion toward others.

You are reading from the book:

If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin

March 28

Changing destructive habits is what changes lives.

People grow accustomed to habits even when they are self-destructive. We who have sought the help of Twelve Step programs were often caught in patterns of behavior that injured us or other people. We want help to change these habits or we wouldn't be here now.

We learn at our first meeting that Twelve Step programs are both for the present day and for a lifetime. We are comforted and surprised by that. The comfort is in knowing help will always be available to us. The surprise is in having erroneously thought that we'd get "fixed" and not need the meetings forever.

It doesn't take us long to realize the benefits of utilizing Twelve Step recovery in our daily lives. For years we repeated the same behaviors, expecting different outcomes, but that didn't happen. Now we have a plan for living that includes Steps, slogans, friends, and support meetings - a host of new options for handling every detail of our journey. And we can see, even in a short time, that our lives are changing at last.

I can change my life if I have the willingness to use what the program is teaching me.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

March 29

Do I trigger gossip?

There is a saying that listening to gossip is gossip. How true! If there were no listeners, there would never be any gossip.

Some of us who pride ourselves in refraining from gossip may still have a problem with it. It's possible we still keep ears open for any juicy gossip that could fall our way. We might also shake the tree if we believe another person has some gossip to share with us. This is done in seemingly innocent ways, sometimes just by mentioning the name of a person to another who may have strong opinions to express.

The harm of gossip lies in what we do to ourselves when we engage in it. There is no way we can continue to have spiritual growth if we practice gossip, even as passive listeners. Spiritual growth takes place within us, and it needs an environment completely free of any ill will.

Let's beware of any tendency to say things that induce others to gossip. At the same time, let's tune out gossip that seems to occur spontaneously. Gossip is the enemy of the growth we desire.

It is a real relief to know that today I have no desire to spread gossip or listen to it. This includes things I might read in magazines or newspapers.

You are reading from the book:

Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

March 30

In the long run, it's easier to carry out our Higher Power's will than our own.

The good news of the Twelve Step program is that we don't have to continue trying to make self-will work. Attempting to make the rest of the world conform to what we think we want is a little like trying to push water uphill. It's not only frustrating - it's exhausting.

Getting in touch with a Higher Power frees us from the trap of self-will. We can move with the rhythm of reality instead of being stuck in fantasy. We can discover how we can be useful and what it is we do best.

How can I be sure I'm doing my Higher Power's will? There is, of course, no certain way to know, but what I rely on is an inner sense of lightness and rightness. I pray for guidance, I ask for answers, I listen to my inner voice, and I talk to people whose opinion I respect. I also believe if what I'm doing is not my Higher Power's will for me, I'll find out, since it won't work.

I ask to know my Higher Power's will for me today and/or the ability to carry it out.

You are reading from the book:

Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L.